Oh Bree. I wish I could make you understand how deeply I regret having to do this. Monique, that was easy, she was a slut. You're a good woman. You didn't know Orson already had a wife, but he did and he made a vow to her before God. What sort of mother would I be if I let him break it? I'm sorry but I will not let him be his father's son.


A single woman in her thirties. I now have to subscribe to Cat Fancy. It's the law.


I had sex with Alma and I wasn't even conscious? How reminiscent of our marriage...


Oh Tom please, you've checked out my butt enough times to know that I don't eat pizza.


I hadn't really thought a lot about this moment, but when I did... the table we were at didn't have a blood gutter.


Susan is picking out a dress to wear to Jane's funeral.
Susan: It's not about me, this is about Jane and Ian. What if I wore this one?
Julie: Then it'll be about Jane, Ian and your boobs.
Susan: I have got to get more depressing clothes.

(narrating) It was six o'clock in the morning and Bree Hodge was faced with a dilemma familiar to countless housewives. Should she wake her husband to discuss recent events that were weighing heavily on her mind? Or should she let him continue to get the rest he needed? Bree made the obvious choice. (Bree empties her glass of water onto Orson's face.)

Mary Alice

Lynette: I told you I wanted this floor to sparkle like your mom's. Now does this floor look Bree Hodge clean to you?
Andrew: Uh... no. It looks Andrew Van de Kamp clean. But your disappointment in me is very Bree Hodge.

Zach: (referring to Luke) That was really weird. I don't even know the guy and he works for me.
Gabrielle: Works for me too!

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