Psychiatrist: I'm sorry. I don't mean to be flip, but you came here because you were troubled, and then you refuse any help we give you.
Bree: Things were falling apart at home, and I just...I just needed a place to rest, that's all.
Psychiatrist: I think there's more to it than that.
Bree: Do you?
Psychiatrist: I think it has to do with your kids. You don't want to talk about them. Why is that?
Bree: Probably because I'm ashamed.

Nora: Hi.
Lynette: Hi. Did you get the check?
Nora: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you have a minute?
Lynette: Tom?!
Nora: I'm not the type of person that can keep things bottled up inside.
Lynette: Really?
Nora: So I'm just gonna have to get this off my chest. You made me feel really bad about myself yesterday at the restaurant.
Lynette: My sincerest apologies.
Nora: You treated me like some sort of mercenary, like the only reason I came here was to extort money from you.
Lynette: Well, to be honest, first, we bought you pie, then you tried to extort money from us.

Danielle: See, I told you she wasn't home. Her car's not even here.
Mathew: And you said the safe was upstairs?
Danielle: Damn it, my mother must have changed the combination.
Matthew: Okay. Wait here. I'll be right back.

Bree: Have they rung up your prescription yet?
Rex: No, they're getting it right now.
Bree: Good, add that on.
Rex: You're dying your hair honey wheat blond?
Bree: Oh, it's not for me, it's for Danielle. That hair is going back to the color god intended.
Rex: You actually think she's gonna sit still as you towel this through her hair?
Bree: Oh, I will tie her down if necessary. I'm also thinking of checking her body for piercings while I'm at it.

This is the street where I used to live and these were the people with whom I shared my life. I met them the day they moved in. And I saw what they brought with them. Beautiful dreams for the future. And quiet hopes for a better life. Not just for themselves, but for their children, too. If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead? Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled. The trip is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon. Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming, but that's really the point. Don't you think?

Mary Alice

Carlos: Okay, Gaby, can we please talk about this?! You're the one that gave me permission, remember? You said, "go have sex with somebody"!
Gabrielle: To have meaningless sex, Carlos. Not to sleep with the woman who's carrying our child!
Carlos: What is the matter?! Look, we're even! You had an affair, and I had an affair!
Gabrielle: I had a reason to. You were never here! I've been here, Carlos. I have tried so hard to not be selfish and to put your needs above mine. I mean, for god sakes, look at me! I have agreed to be a mother for you!
Carlos: Look, Gaby, you have every right to be mad at me. So I'm gonna go and check into a hotel room and let you cool down, but we are going to work this out.
Gabrielle: Forget the hotel, Carlos. Get a lease.

Danielle: Mom, please move.
Bree: No. I gave up on your brother, and I'm not gonna make that mistake with you.
Matthew: We don't have time for this.
(Matthew pulls out a gun and points it at Bree.)
Danielle: Where did you get that? What are you doing?!
Matthew: Move away!
Bree: Danielle, I want you to get out of the house now. He's a killer.
Matthew: Shut up!
Danielle: Don't point that at my mother!
Bree: Danielle! I'm serious, go.
Matthew: What's wrong with you?! I'm gonna shoot you!
Danielle: Matthew, stop it!

Betty: You did it. You killed Melanie. You put your jacket on her body. I saw it, Matthew. The police showed me the pictures.
Matthew: Now you weren't there. You don't know what happened.
Betty: Oh, god.
Matthew: Caleb hurt her, and Melanie threatened to bring us all down because of that.
Betty: So your solution was to make your brother think he murdered a girl and to make me think it?
Matthew: What other choice did I have? I knew that you wouldn't hand Caleb over to the police. I knew that you would protect him.

Lynette: I don't see another way to make this work. We've gotta dip into the pensions.
Tom: Oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Lynette: Well, it's that or the kids college fund. We'll write Nora one big check, and in return, she'll sign away her claim for the back child support. If we're lucky, she'll take the bird in the hand.
Tom: Okay, what are we talking about? How much?
Lynette: Well, we need to show her we're serious. $30,000.00?
Tom: Are you kidding? Thirty?
Lynette: If she takes you to court, we'll lose and end up paying 11 years of child support all at once. We could lose the house.

Danielle: Can we please get out of here? This place is gross. And, god, I'm starving.
Matthew: Yeah, I know, but we don't have any money, remember?
Danielle: That's why we should go to my house. I know the combination to my mom's safe.
Matthew: Okay, I've told you a thousand times, it's way too risky. No.
Danielle: Something you should know before we embark on this little adventure. I can get pretty bitchy when I'm not fed.

Gabrielle: What's so funny?
John: Me and my friend Justin had this bet. See who could lose their virginity first this summer at Bible Camp. Guess I beat him to the punch.
Gabrielle: You were a virgin?
John: So it didn't show?
Gabrielle: Oh, no. No, I mean, I guess it was, well, weird when you started naming the American presidents in order.
John: Ah, I wish you hadn't heard that. I was just trying to...
Gabrielle: No, no, you were good. Just, if it comes up in school, Paul Revere was never president.

Nora: See, Lynette? See? It's not all about money. It's not even a little bit about money. It's about family. Cause we're all a big family now.
Lynette: Sort of.
Nora: Which is why I took all the money that you gave me, and I put it all down on the sweetest little 2 bedroom house over on Arden Drive.
Tom:Ar-Arden Drive over- over by the mall?
Lynette: Like, five minutes from here Arden Drive?
Nora: It's perfect. I could drop Kayla off here anytime so she can play with her new siblings. She can spend time with her dad.

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Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

(to Susan) Whatever - I'm doing it, so keep your trap shut!

Edie

Let's cut this bitch open!

Dr. Ron
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