Nora: See, Lynette? See? It's not all about money. It's not even a little bit about money. It's about family. Cause we're all a big family now.
Lynette: Sort of.
Nora: Which is why I took all the money that you gave me, and I put it all down on the sweetest little 2 bedroom house over on Arden Drive.
Tom:Ar-Arden Drive over- over by the mall?
Lynette: Like, five minutes from here Arden Drive?
Nora: It's perfect. I could drop Kayla off here anytime so she can play with her new siblings. She can spend time with her dad.

This is the street where I used to live and these were the people with whom I shared my life. I met them the day they moved in. And I saw what they brought with them. Beautiful dreams for the future. And quiet hopes for a better life. Not just for themselves, but for their children, too. If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead? Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled. The trip is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon. Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming, but that's really the point. Don't you think?

Mary Alice

Xiao-mei: Here, taste this.
Carlos: Oh, man! Xiao-mei, that is amazing.
Xiao-mei: You like?
Carlos: Oh, yeah. Sorry if I'm making a mess.
Xiao-mei: It's okay. Mu Shu Pork. Supposed to be messy.
Carlos:I wish Gabrielle could cook like this. Have you ever tried her enchiladas?
Xiao-mei:One time they make me sick.

Danielle: Mom, please move.
Bree: No. I gave up on your brother, and I'm not gonna make that mistake with you.
Matthew: We don't have time for this.
(Matthew pulls out a gun and points it at Bree.)
Danielle: Where did you get that? What are you doing?!
Matthew: Move away!
Bree: Danielle, I want you to get out of the house now. He's a killer.
Matthew: Shut up!
Danielle: Don't point that at my mother!
Bree: Danielle! I'm serious, go.
Matthew: What's wrong with you?! I'm gonna shoot you!
Danielle: Matthew, stop it!

Susan: I've got everything ready to go-- flowers, candles, Elvis Costello CD all cued up.
Gabrielle: But who has the ring?
Susan:He does.
Gabrielle: So, wait, you're gonna get down on one knee, pop the question, and while you're down there, dig in his pocket?
Lynette: What if you pull out his key chain?
Susan: Then I'm gonna have to find a way to force it on my finger.

Betty: I would have protected you.
Matthew: Well, I really couldn't count on that.
Betty: Matthew...
Matthew: You don't love me as much as you love Caleb. You never have.
Betty: Perhaps. But it's because he's needed me more. You are always going to find love in the world. Don't you understand? He was only ever going to get it from me.
Matthew: You know, I know you believe that. That's why I've tried so hard to forgive you. And who knows? Maybe one day I will.
(Betty goes to the phone and dials 911)
Operator: 911. What's your emergency?
Betty: I need the police.

Bree: Have they rung up your prescription yet?
Rex: No, they're getting it right now.
Bree: Good, add that on.
Rex: You're dying your hair honey wheat blond?
Bree: Oh, it's not for me, it's for Danielle. That hair is going back to the color god intended.
Rex: You actually think she's gonna sit still as you towel this through her hair?
Bree: Oh, I will tie her down if necessary. I'm also thinking of checking her body for piercings while I'm at it.

Nora: Hi.
Lynette: Hi. Did you get the check?
Nora: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you have a minute?
Lynette: Tom?!
Nora: I'm not the type of person that can keep things bottled up inside.
Lynette: Really?
Nora: So I'm just gonna have to get this off my chest. You made me feel really bad about myself yesterday at the restaurant.
Lynette: My sincerest apologies.
Nora: You treated me like some sort of mercenary, like the only reason I came here was to extort money from you.
Lynette: Well, to be honest, first, we bought you pie, then you tried to extort money from us.

Lynette: I don't see another way to make this work. We've gotta dip into the pensions.
Tom: Oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Lynette: Well, it's that or the kids college fund. We'll write Nora one big check, and in return, she'll sign away her claim for the back child support. If we're lucky, she'll take the bird in the hand.
Tom: Okay, what are we talking about? How much?
Lynette: Well, we need to show her we're serious. $30,000.00?
Tom: Are you kidding? Thirty?
Lynette: If she takes you to court, we'll lose and end up paying 11 years of child support all at once. We could lose the house.

Bree: Oh! Does anybody ever call you "Alfie"?
Alfred: No.
Bree: And why should they? So, um, Alfred, I was wondering if you could maybe loosen my restraints. They're incredibly tight, and I'm sure there are no rules against making me more comfortable.
Alfred: Do you think I'm stupid?
Bree: I beg your pardon?
Alfred: Two seconds after I loosen these little restraints, you'll try to scratch my eyes out and make a run for it. Well, I'm not falling for it, you psycho little bitch. In fact, I hope they keep you tied up for the next month 'cause I'd get a real kick out of watching a prissy little whack job like you lying in your own filth. Know what I mean?

Carlos: Okay, Gaby, can we please talk about this?! You're the one that gave me permission, remember? You said, "go have sex with somebody"!
Gabrielle: To have meaningless sex, Carlos. Not to sleep with the woman who's carrying our child!
Carlos: What is the matter?! Look, we're even! You had an affair, and I had an affair!
Gabrielle: I had a reason to. You were never here! I've been here, Carlos. I have tried so hard to not be selfish and to put your needs above mine. I mean, for god sakes, look at me! I have agreed to be a mother for you!
Carlos: Look, Gaby, you have every right to be mad at me. So I'm gonna go and check into a hotel room and let you cool down, but we are going to work this out.
Gabrielle: Forget the hotel, Carlos. Get a lease.

Bree: Excuse me. Do you have the time?
Alfred: Yeah, it's just after 8.
Bree: Oh, I was afraid of that.
Alfred: Afraid of what?
Bree: Well, I'm only supposed to be restrained until 7. You see, I have a problem with sleepwalking. They just tie me up so that I don't wander off and hurt myself.
Alfred: Yeah, well, I'm sure a nurse will be in here soon.

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

(to Bree) You know, I don't even like redheads.

Peter

(At Gabrielle's house)
Edie: You know when Karl dumped you Susan, I thought that it was all your fault. Yeah, I figured that you were a nag or bad in bed. But now, but now I see that you were just a victim too. We have a bond, Susan. Like we're sisters. There's even a pretty one and an ugly one.
Bree: Edie!
Edie: Oh I'm just saying that Karl screwed us both!
Susan: Yes, like you wouldn't believe.