Larry: (noticing a child's enormous penis) What's going on with this kid?
Susie: Ahhh!
Jeff: Wow!
Cheryl: Honestly, it's huge.

Larry: Did you tell him it was me?
Martine: No, I don't "dime."

I am homeless, except I don't stink!


Hugh: Fuck you!
Larry: Fuck Hugh!

It's like eating a delicious sponge!


I think I'll go get myself a heterosexual single woman to play golf with.


Larry: Well, you grunt on every shot. It's really annoying, and it's throwing me off.
Cheryl: Oh, is that why you're losing?
Larry: It sounds like pigs fucking.

You weigh like 8 pounds. What do you know about food?


Larry: You gotta get a shot of Benadryl while she's sleeping, or shove it down her throat.
Richard Lewis: Like a hitman? A Benedryl hitman?

I've seen better faces on a hemorrhoid.

Joan Rivers

See the little green light? Just gotta turn it on. Or you can fire the black man. Whatever works for you.


Well, maybe we should play Scrabble.


Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 3 Quotes

I know they're temporaries, but temporaries aren't supposed to look like Chiclets.


Not one Spanish person has figured out that piata is a sick fucking game?