(seeing Stu taste wine) He's like an elephant sticking his head in a pond.

Larry

Larry: Hamster? Put him in a cage and you can torture him a little bit?
Sammy: They're boring.
Larry: But you torture them. It's not boring if you torture them.

I'm surprised Hitler didn't round up the toupe people.

Larry

Jeff: So you have to decide between whether you want Daddy, or Oscar.
Sammy: Mmm...Oscar!
Jeff: No, no. Whay I'm saying is, that if you say Oscar, Daddy won't be here.
Sammy: I know.
Jeff: You know?
Sammy: (nodding) Mmhum
Jeff: But you're choosing Oscar. I'm your Dad.
Sammy: I just love that dog.

You know me, I don't like to complain.

Larry

Jeff: You really love that dog.
Larry: It's nice to be affectionate to something German. You don't get the opportunity that often, you know.

Jeff: A dog! She chose a fucking dog over her own father.
Larry: You sat down and you laid it out?
Jeff: I talked to her. I told her, 'Daddy's sick. He can't stay in the same house with Oscar.' She wants Oscar! She wants the dog!
Larry: Calm down
Jeff: Where is the dog?!
Larry: They took him back to your house.
Jeff: My house? No, no, no, his house. His house. I'm at the W hotel. It's his house now.

Susan: You going to thank me too?
Cheryl: And thank you Susan
Susan: You're welcome (looks to Larry)
Larry: What? Why do I have to thank you?
Susan: For dinner, that my husband and I treated you to.
Larry: Oh, I thought he treated me to it.
Susan: Stu pulled out the credit card and put it down, yes.
Larry: Yeah, so I thanked him
Susan: And he's using our money to pay for it, so you could thank us. We're taking you out to dinner.
Larry: Well, you could call it "our money," but just for the sake of discussion, he's the one who goes to work and earns the money. You don't work.

Larry: I changed my mind. I'd like to get it back.
Richard Lewis: You can't be an East Indian-giver.

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