Jeff: Why didn't you say hello to him? You know him.
Larry: I know. He wanted to do a stop-and-chat. I didn't want to do a stop-and-chat.
Jeff: "Stop-and-chat?" Where do you come up with these things?

Do you think we really needed Alaska and Hawaii? They gotta ruin everything. They ruined the continental United States. Ruined it! We have a beautiful Pacific coast, Atlantic coast, that's the continental United States. You don't need more states. We're not the British Empire. Are they trying to turn us into the British Empire? And what is Puerto Rico anyway?

Larry

Grape works as a soda. Sort of as a gum. I wonder why it doesn't work as a pie. Grape pie? There's no grape pie

Larry

You didn't want to lose a Jew and you know it!

Becky

Are we settled down, you think? I mean, what do you have to be to be settled down? We have a house and chairs

Larry

Cheryl: Why would somebody steal tickets to Monterey?
Larry: Why not? Monterey's a very beautiful place.
Cheryl: Was anything else stolen? Was anything else gone?
Larry: I don't know. I wasn't paying attention.
Cheryl: You know, all our information is on there: our address, our telephone number, ...
Larry: It doesn't matter. He's not going to break into our house. He's going to Monterey

Larry: Nobody wants to have, apparently, anything to do with me because of Shaquille O'Neal.
Cheryl: That's kind of sad.
Larry: Sad? What are you, crazy?

I'll have a vanilla... one of those "vanilla bullshit things." You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing. Whatever you got

Larry [at Starbucks]

Larry: Jesus Christ! My penis is itching!
Jeff: You know what? You put that doll head down there and who knows what that hair is made out of. You've got a allergic reaction, I'm telling you.
Larry: Yeah, I think I got some kinda rash. I gotta check out my penis, I have to go to the doctor now? That's going to be a lot of fun; "Where'd you get the rash?"
"Oh, I stuck a doll's head down my pants, Doctor. It feels good to me!"

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 45 in total