You know what a lesbian brings on a second date? A U-Haul.


Whether I give you a gift or you give me a gift, it costs me money.

Larry (to Ricky)

Susie: Ya know Larry, I think you're taking the wrong tactic with these women. I really do. I think you have to present who you reall are.
Larry: I did present who I really was; a phony, a fraud, a prevaricator. I presented who I was.

You fixed it all so you could be at the cool table. You got Ricky Gervais, you got Allie, you got your Broadway stars.


I don't even know how to write cursive anymore.


Hank: I got picked on a lot by some kids.
Larry: By Spaniards?
Hank: Yeah, well they spoke Spanish.
Larry: Oh they're not from Spain?
Hank: I don't know where they were from.

When I first saw you, I guessed you for a Spaniard. I'm glad you're not Spanish. I'm not a fan of the Spanish.

Hank (to Larry)

Don't impose your desires on my whole cuisine.


Everybody brings wine. I bring bread.

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