You know what a lesbian brings on a second date? A U-Haul.

Rosie

Whether I give you a gift or you give me a gift, it costs me money.

Larry (to Ricky)

Susie: Ya know Larry, I think you're taking the wrong tactic with these women. I really do. I think you have to present who you reall are.
Larry: I did present who I really was; a phony, a fraud, a prevaricator. I presented who I was.

You fixed it all so you could be at the cool table. You got Ricky Gervais, you got Allie, you got your Broadway stars.

Larry

I don't even know how to write cursive anymore.

Hank

Hank: I got picked on a lot by some kids.
Larry: By Spaniards?
Hank: Yeah, well they spoke Spanish.
Larry: Oh they're not from Spain?
Hank: I don't know where they were from.

When I first saw you, I guessed you for a Spaniard. I'm glad you're not Spanish. I'm not a fan of the Spanish.

Hank (to Larry)

Don't impose your desires on my whole cuisine.

Susie

Everybody brings wine. I bring bread.

Larry

Waiter: I am the waiter.
Larry: Yet we were the ones waiting, so we became the waiters.
Jeff: This man's a hero. He just revolutionized the way restaurants work my friend. No one's gonna go hungry again.

Poor little coachy girl. She's so jealous 'cause everybody else is more comfortable than the coachy girl.

Larry

Hey Susie, guess what? Larry ate Oscar's Pinkberry, and Jeff was driving...ass hole!

Vance
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 339 in total

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

Cheryl: Well, I think you should write a letter of apology to him.
Larry: "Dear prick, why are you such a prick?"

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