Catherine: Just do me a favor, the next time you fall for a mysterious babe let me check her out for you. I've got an eye for the rotten ones.
Greg: Deal. Catherine, why do the rotten ones smell so good?

For what it's worth, I've loved you since Tuesday.

Ellen Whitebridge

I don't think you know where the truth ends and your lies begin.


Ray: You ever been to Burning Man?
Catherine: I have now.

Catherine: What did Jell-O man ever do to you?
Ray: Some men were just made to suffer.

Why can't people die closer to the road?


Spartan: I mean, what guy's gonna dress like a Spartan if he doesn't have to?
Greg: I can think of about three hundred.

Carrot Top: I get like one phone call, don't I?
Brass: You don't need a lawyer, Top.
Carrot Top: I know. I need my publicist.

Brass: Hogtied, in your boxer shorts, passed out on zebra skin, that's the kinda an image you can't get out of your head.
Carrot Top: It's an image we'd all like to get out of our heads. Thanks for bringing it up.

Carrot Top and a dead hooker. Why am I not laughing?


Hodges: I've been defrauded.
Ray: And de-thumbed.

Nick: She's most sincerely dead.
Greg: I suppose it would be tasteless to mention the hundred bucks you owe me.
Nick: Extremely.

CSI Season 11 Quotes

Haskell: I want Ray to live a long time so he thinks of me every time he unzips his pants
Brass: Yeah, he will remember what a putz you are.

Brass: You know what this button does.
Ray: Morphine clouds my thinking.