Josh: Sir!
Nathaniel: Hey buddy.
Josh: I'm going to need you to stand down.
Nathaniel: Literally what do you mean?

I'm asking you nicely to get out of my kitchen! This is how customers get meningitis.

AJ

Wait, I can propose?!

Valencia

Dude, I have known you for most of your life, and I've never seen you as happy as when you are with Rebecca.

White Josh

I love being the chosen custodian of your dream.

AJ

Greg: I think he is going to figure it out.
Nathaniel: Hold on, anything could be happening up there.

Josh: He had sex with a bush.
Greg: In my defense, it looked like a lady.

Paula: Good morning, Dr. Roth.
Dr. Roth: It is before noon.

Let's go on a slide backwards!

Rebecca

I still get a very heavy period. It's like the Earth cracking open and a hot lava.

Paula

You have very powerful feelings for Greg ... and waterslides.

Dr. Akopian

I napped once, it was 1983.

Paula

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Quotes

Rebecca: Where are you from again?
Josh: West Covina, California. 91791!
Rebecca: West Covina, I remember that. That's near the beach, right?
Josh: Yeah, only two hours...well, four in traffic.

Dear God, I don't pray to you because I believe in science. But I don't know what to do. Give me guidance, please. Ah-men. A-men. Amen?

Rebecca Bunch