Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Jonathan: We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she, um...
[The crowd turns to Buffy and she stares]
Jonathan: This is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, well, t-the prom committee asked me to read this. "We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here."
Student #1: Zombies!
Student #2: Hyena people!
Student #3: Snyder!
[The crowd laughs]
Jonathan: "But whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history, and we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class offers its thanks and gives you, uh, uh, this."
[Jonathan reveals the gold umbrella]
Jonathan: It's from all of us, and it has written here, "Buffy Summers, Class Protector".
Xander: Any clue on what college you might be attending so we can start calculating minimum safe distance?
Cordelia: None of your business. Certainly, nowhere near you losers.
Buffy: Okay, you guys. Don't forget to breathe between insults.
Cordelia: I'm sorry, Buffy. This conversation is reserved for those who actually have a future.
Willow: Faith, wait. I wanna talk to you.
Faith: Oh yeah? Give me the speech again, please. "Faith, we're still your friends. We can help you. It's not too late."
Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo. Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than-than some people. I mean, you had friends like Buffy. Now you have no one. Y were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.
[Faith punches Willow]
Faith: You hurt me, I hurt you. I'm just a little more efficient.
Willow: Aw, and here I just thought you didn't have a comeback.
Mayor Wilkins: Well, I wish you kids the best. I really do, but if you don't mind a bit of fatherly advice, I just don't see much of a future for you two. I don't sense a lasting relationship. And that's not just because I plan to kill the both of you, but you got a bumpy road ahead.
Buffy: I don't think we need to talk about this.
Mayor Wilkins: God... you kids. You are still in denial, Buffy. You don't like to think about the future, you don't like making plans, but unless you want Faith over there to gut your friend like a sea bass, I suggest you show a little respect for your elders... and me.
Angel: You're not my elder. I got a lot of years over you.
Mayor Wilkins: I know and that's just one of the things you are going to have to deal with. You're immortal. She's not. It's not easy to carry a lasting relationship with a mortal. Take me for example. I married my Edna Mae in nineteen aught three, and I was with her right until the end. Not a pretty picture of her last few years. Wrinkled and senile... and cursing me for my eternal youth. It wasn't our happiest time. And let's forget the fact that any moment of true happiness will turn you evil.
[He scoffs]
Mayor Wilkins: I mean, come on! What kind of a life can you offer her? I don't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. I see skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun. She's a blossoming young girl... and you want to keep her from the life she should have till it's passed her by? And, by God, I think that's a little selfish. Is that what you came back from Hell for? Is that your greater purpose?
The other night, y'know being captured and all, facing off with Faith... Things just kinda got clear. I mean, you've been fighting evil here for three years and I've helped some. And now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives. And I just realized that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I think it's worth doing. And I don't think you do it because you have to. It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in.
Willow
Giles: You actually had your hands on the Books of Ascension?
Willow: Volumes 1 through 5.
Giles: Is there anything that you can remember about them that could be of use to us, anything at all?
Willow: Well, I was in a hurry. Ad, what I did read was kinda involved. If you ask me, way overwritten.
Rupert Giles: Oh.
Willow: Actually, there were a few pages that were kind of interesting, but I didn't have a chance to read them fully.
[Giles looks away]
Willow: [Willow reaches into her pocket and reveals several pages] See what you can make of them?
[Giles takes the papers happily and walks away]
You... All of you. Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?
Principal Snyder
Angel: You can't get into my mind.
Buffy: How did you...
[Buffy stares at him]
Buffy: Why not?
Angel: It's like the mirror. The thoughts are there, but they create no reflection in you.
Buffy: I'm suddenly gonna grow this demon part, and we don't even know what it is. It could be claws or scales...
[Willow's eyes widen]
Buffy: What?
Willow: Was it a boy demon?
Oz: [Thinking] I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me, and she becomes me. I cease to exist.
[Oz speaks out loud]
Oz: Hmm.
Xander: [Thinking] What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. Four times five is thirty. Five times six is thirty-two. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me.
Buffy: God, Xander. Is that all you think about?
[Xander speaks out loud]
Xander: Actually... bye.
[He runs away]
Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?
Joyce: It was the candy, we were teenagers.
Buffy: On the hood of a police car?
Joyce: I'll be downstairs. You feel better.
Buffy: Twice?
Giles: Feel up to some training?
Buffy: Sure! We can work out after school, you know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!
