Dottie I really wish you weren't such a big part of my son's birth story.


Guys, where did our dads go?


Rosa: That means we have to call the fire department.
Jake: Or we leave them in there forever and move on emotionally.

Jake, I think it's very cool that you learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line.


Charles: So my dad gets to be his Pop-Pop and I only get to be Charles?
Jake: Your dad does not get to be his Pop-Pop.
Charles: Well, I hope you're prepared to make that phone call.

Kayla: Ugh, none of you are cute with the lights on.
Charles: You wanna play mean girl, Kayla? Let's talk about your bangs.

Fireman: Don't worry, the fire department is on the job!
Holt: You hear that, Jeffords? We're gonna die in here! We're marked for death!

Are we gonna be okay at this? This entire day has felt like a warning sign from the universe.


You took the wrong fluffy boy!


Kingston: You can't beat Wario?
Jake: You can? How do you do it?

Holt: That's weird, it's sunny outside.
Jake: Why is that weird?
Holt: Because a shit-storm is about to rain down.

How much does the bastard want for my little doggie?


Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Amy: Didn't work.
Jake: Ugh, I knew it! I got bum nards!

And now, a message of hope. Everything is garbage. You find something you care about, and it's taken from you. Your colleagues, your dream job, your mango yoghurt. Never love anything. That's the lesson.