Kayla: Ugh, none of you are cute with the lights on.
Charles: You wanna play mean girl, Kayla? Let's talk about your bangs.

Guys, where did our dads go?


Dottie I really wish you weren't such a big part of my son's birth story.


Fireman: Don't worry, the fire department is on the job!
Holt: You hear that, Jeffords? We're gonna die in here! We're marked for death!

Rosa: That means we have to call the fire department.
Jake: Or we leave them in there forever and move on emotionally.

Charles: So my dad gets to be his Pop-Pop and I only get to be Charles?
Jake: Your dad does not get to be his Pop-Pop.
Charles: Well, I hope you're prepared to make that phone call.

Jake, I think it's very cool that you learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line.


Are we gonna be okay at this? This entire day has felt like a warning sign from the universe.


You took the wrong fluffy boy!


Kingston: You can't beat Wario?
Jake: You can? How do you do it?

Holt: That's weird, it's sunny outside.
Jake: Why is that weird?
Holt: Because a shit-storm is about to rain down.

How much does the bastard want for my little doggie?


Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

Amy: Rule number one, let's not tell anyone so we can figure out what this is first.
Jake: Smart. Rule number two, let's not put labels on it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend, we're just...murmzeep and jinglebin.
Amy: Great. Rule number three, let's not have sex right away.
Jake: (pause) Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt. Good rule, no sex, good rule.

Amy: Didn't work.
Jake: Ugh, I knew it! I got bum nards!