Carl: Now, wait a minute. This is just purely a social call. You know, just two adults getting a stew on, man.
Buster: I don't know what that means, but it sounds disgusting.

(to George Michael) We're all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I'm going to sleep with my daughter, and you're going to sleep with my husband.

Lindsay

Gob: You've only had sex four times!
Michael: Not four times, four women!

Lucille 2: Buster, this is exactly why our relationship does not work.
Buster: Our relationship doesn't work?
Lucille 2: No, not as long as you keep getting me all mixed up with your mother.
Buster: It is exactly the opposite. I'm leaving my mother for you. You're replacing my mother.

Lucille: Blow.
(Holds out tissue)
Buster: No, Mother! I can blow myself.

Maeby: So, do you want to go to the movies? (George Michael pricks off a small piece of Maeby's hair with a tweezer and walks past her) Ow!
George Michael: I'll let you know when I get back from the lab.

There was somebody for a little while, but it was too much of a brother -- bother.

Michael

Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I deceived you, Mom. Trick makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

Maeby: That's it! Tell me what's up with you and Dad.
Lindsay: Nothing. Nothing's wrong with your father and me. We have a-a wonderful, close relationship. Can I let you in on a little secret? Hmm? Having him in the next room makes me miss him all the more.
Maeby: Mom, please. He's got a big boy crush on Action Jackson.

George Sr.: Hey, Bruno, any chance that the hole is available between 4:00 and 6:00?
Lucille: I don't even want to know what that means.

Michael: Excuse me. I'm looking for an Hermano.
Soap Actor #1: (in Spanish, subtitled) My brother? Right there.
Michael: Right there, in the green? Great. Thanks. Gracias. Hermano. Are you Hermano?
Soap Actor #2: (in Spanish, subtitled) My brother? Right there.
Michael: That's the guy who just ...
Soap Actor #2: Mm-hmm.
Michael: Son of a bitch.

Michael:So, on a very unusual Valentine's Day, cheers to Mom and Dad, to Buster and Lucille....
Buster: Don't forget my girlfriend.
Michael: That's who I meant.

Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 12 Quotes

Marta: Well, as you said, finding out who you really are, it can be painful, but you can't live a lie.
Michael: No, I can't, but some people find a way to make that work.

Tobias: No, no, no, there's a shower scene? I have to be nude?
Carl Weathers: Hey, you don't shower with your clothes on, now, do you?