She's the exact opposite of okay! She's dead, because she got shot seven times, and nobody could survive that, not even in a parallel universe.

Lana [dying]: Archer, I'm sorry.
Archer: Why, why are you sorry?
Lana: I got blood on you.
Archer: Well, I blew a load on your dress, so...

Archer: Somebody call an ambulance!
Charlotte: Ugh!! I already threw a chair!

Holy shit. Glad I don't have a flashback for that!

Krieger: You're better than this! You don't have to be a killer. You can use your powers for the good of all mankind!
Dutch/Barry: Yeah, I could, but I was a murderer before you turned me into a freak so I don't know why you thought this was gonna have a happy ending.

Lana: Hurry up!
Poovey: Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast.
Charlotte: Wait, there's toast?
Mother: WHY would there be toast!?!
Charlotte: Why WOULDN'T there be?

He [Trexler] didn't tell me to do it. Hell, I did it just to see his lights go out.

Dutch

Poovey: Why're you throwing ME under the bus?
Trexler: I'm going to BUY a bus, then literally throw you under it, and then drive it back and forth on your face.

Archer: Anybody got a joke about socks?
Everyone: [silence, gagged with socks]
Archer: Oh, okay, I got one. Uh, "Sock, sock?"
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: Then you say, "Who's there."
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: [chuckles] Okay then I guess just pout!

Archer: Okay. A. ,The Tin Man is not a robot.
Trexler: The Tin Man is -
Archer: A magical being, like a leprechaun, Pinocchio, an enchanted Nutcracker.
Trexler: Whatever! He doesn't have a heart!

Archer: Typical! Typical typical typical typical!
Lana: What could possibly have been typical about that?!
Archer: ME! I always do shit like this.
Poovey: Like what?
Archer: All I wanted to do was find out who killed my partner Woodhouse, and the next thing I know I've disappeared up my own asshole, and I'm manumitting sex slaves and grossly abusing corpses and trying to source a finger for some weird psychosexual kidnapping, and then, to top off all the bullshit, getting chased by GODDAMN ROBOTS!! I mean, [beep] halberts, Jesus Christ!!

Archer: Okay, you know what? [swerves] Laugh it up, laughers. Since you like jokes so goddamn much...
[swerves and throws Dutch off his motorcycle]
Archer: Hahahaha. Oh hey, did you hear the one about -
[drives car over Dutch]
Everyone: Oh my God.
Lana: Archer, wait!
Archer: Or the one about -
[drives car over Dutch again]
Lana: Archer!
Archer: Or here's one! Knock knock?
[drives car over Dutch again]

Archer Season 8 Quotes

Malory: Normandy.
Archer: Yeah.
Malory: Omaha Beach by way of North Africa and Sicily. And after Normandy, through France and Belgium all the way to Berlin.
Archer: Well I had to get to Berlin, I sent all my clean shirts ahead.
Malory: Mmhmm. Speak any German?
Archer: You know, "Don't shoot," "I surrender," "Hitler's the tops," stuff like that.

Cyril: Come to think of it, Archer, where were YOU last night?
Archer: Ask your wife!
Pam: Awwww, you know his wife left him! For you, Archer, because you screwed her tits off at the precinct cookout! So then she thought the two of you would get married and live happily ever after, but you were like, "Whaaaaaaaat.."
Archer: (stares at Pam)
Pam: Exactly. That face right there.