Archer: I realize that a segregated service is just crazy, especially given what we were fighting for over there, but -
Cliff: Oh now you got a "but."
Archer: ...if you think about it, the most racist thing would be, if, whenever there was a war, we only sent negroes.
Floyd: WOW.
Verl: Words fail me.

Archer: Are you shitting me?!?
Pam: Awwww, I wouldn't shit you, you're my favourite turd!

Hey, can I order some pie? Or have you single-handedly depleted the Global Strategic Pie Reserves?

Being a negro must be so exciting.

Cheryl

Goddammit! I insist you let me share your marijuana cigarette!

Ray

Mother: What is it with you people and reefer?
Lana: Do you mean musicians or negroes?
Mother: Pick one.

Archer: Will you quit jamming my ass with that thing?
Ray: He said, coyly.

Archer: Look, I know you cops have to check your weapons up front, and there's five of us and only one of you, so...
Pam: So who wants their ass beat first? And before you decide, keep in mind that I'm gradually goin' to get more tired, but also gradually more berserker.

Floyd: Are you crazy?
Verl: Are you trying to get yourself killed?
Archer [mockingly]: Oh my God, is diabetes contagious?!?

Archer: Did you say "a" change, or just change, as in spare change?
Figgis: Huh, what change? They'll be passing you around for half a pack of smokes.
Archer: Pfft, I'm worth at least two packs.
Charlotte: Pfft!
Archer: You know...

Archer: Heiresses to fortunes like your family's don't fake their own deaths. They murder their parents and blame it on some poor Hispanic or Negro.
Cheryl: Yes, I thought about that, but I don't know any Hispanics or Negroes.
Archer: No, they make up the Hispanic or Negro.
Cheryl: I honestly wouldn't know where to begin.

Cheryl: I want a drink!
Archer: Join this great new club!

Archer Quotes

KGB (Crenshaw): This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk.
Archer: What, your little go-kart battery?
KGB (Crenshaw): Golf cart.
Archer: Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?

It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.

Archer