Archer Season 5 Episode 1: "White Elephant" Quotes
Lana: I could start smoking crak today and he'd still turn out better than you.
Archer: Why is that, because I never had a father, Lana? So why don't you shut up and then also marry me?!
Krieger: I'll be your doctor. Lana: Well, if I want Hitler's DNA spliced into him, I'll give you a call. Kriger: Yeah, I'm around.
FBI Agent: So if I were you...
Archer: You'd get laid a lot more?
Archer: I thought you were gonna shoot me.
Lana: The day's not over.
Well, how hard could it be...if Mexicans can do it?Malory
He died doing what he loved...getting shot.Archer
Malory: I think I'll start shopping my memoirs! How does the title 'Secrets & Silk' grab you?
Sterling: Tightly...by my childhood's throat.
Lana: Screw you, Mr My-mother's-a-lying-bitch-and-I'm-too-stupid-to-realize-my-life's-a-pathetic-joke! Archer: Nice to meet you, Mrs Hello-my-kid's-from-a-sperm-bank-since-I-can't-keep-a-man-because-in-addition-to-my-jillion-neuroses-I-have-a-weird-looking-vagina!
Cheryl: You're all jealous of my fall-back career!"
Pam: As what, an ACTUAL acorn?