She's the exact opposite of okay! She's dead, because she got shot seven times, and nobody could survive that, not even in a parallel universe.

Lana [dying]: Archer, I'm sorry.
Archer: Why, why are you sorry?
Lana: I got blood on you.
Archer: Well, I blew a load on your dress, so...

Archer: Somebody call an ambulance!
Charlotte: Ugh!! I already threw a chair!

Holy shit. Glad I don't have a flashback for that!

Krieger: You're better than this! You don't have to be a killer. You can use your powers for the good of all mankind!
Dutch/Barry: Yeah, I could, but I was a murderer before you turned me into a freak so I don't know why you thought this was gonna have a happy ending.

Lana: Hurry up!
Poovey: Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast.
Charlotte: Wait, there's toast?
Mother: WHY would there be toast!?!
Charlotte: Why WOULDN'T there be?

He [Trexler] didn't tell me to do it. Hell, I did it just to see his lights go out.

Dutch

Archer: Anybody got a joke about socks?
Everyone: [silence, gagged with socks]
Archer: Oh, okay, I got one. Uh, "Sock, sock?"
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: Then you say, "Who's there."
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: [chuckles] Okay then I guess just pout!

Archer: Okay. A. ,The Tin Man is not a robot.
Trexler: The Tin Man is -
Archer: A magical being, like a leprechaun, Pinocchio, an enchanted Nutcracker.
Trexler: Whatever! He doesn't have a heart!

Archer: Typical! Typical typical typical typical!
Lana: What could possibly have been typical about that?!
Archer: ME! I always do shit like this.
Poovey: Like what?
Archer: All I wanted to do was find out who killed my partner Woodhouse, and the next thing I know I've disappeared up my own asshole, and I'm manumitting sex slaves and grossly abusing corpses and trying to source a finger for some weird psychosexual kidnapping, and then, to top off all the bullshit, getting chased by GODDAMN ROBOTS!! I mean, [beep] halberts, Jesus Christ!!

Archer: Okay, you know what? [swerves] Laugh it up, laughers. Since you like jokes so goddamn much...
[swerves and throws Dutch off his motorcycle]
Archer: Hahahaha. Oh hey, did you hear the one about -
[drives car over Dutch]
Everyone: Oh my God.
Lana: Archer, wait!
Archer: Or the one about -
[drives car over Dutch again]
Lana: Archer!
Archer: Or here's one! Knock knock?
[drives car over Dutch again]

Lana: [to Poovey] Can you hotwire it?
Cyril: Nobody can, because it's English and it's stupid, with a bunch of stupid English wires.

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

(Learning him and Lana have to share a one bed room)
Archer: Lana, lana, lana, lana (Shouts) LANNNNNAAAAAAA!!
Lana: WHAT!!!?
Archer: (snickers) Danger Zone....