Jack: [to Kenneth] You'll do fine as long as you follow my Three Ds: Discretion, Docility, and Don't Use My Bathroom.

I put on a live hour show every week - unless there's wrestling. I'm on it.


Jack: The days of your wild coke parties are over.
Liz: Well, if by coke you mean soda.
Jack: I do.

Enjoy your decorative air holders, you deserved them.


That's 50 hours of comedy, over 300 sketches, one unsolved crew death, and an Emmy ... Magazine cover story.


[to Liz] Top front? Good lord, Lemon, that's your worst quadrant.


It's not enough that you killed the bird I've had for almost 60 years, but the fact that you didn't trust me is unforgivable!


[to Liz] He alleges you tried to barter sex in exchange for professional consideration. In the HR world we refer to that as being a filthy prostitute.

HR Guy

Fine - 30 minutes, I'll make some sounds and you can say one weird thing to me.

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