NCIS

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Ncis
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Ziva: Okay, so how many amendments to the Constitution?
Gibbs: The Bill of Rights is the first 10, prohibition is 18. I'm guessing 23.
Ziva: Twenty-seven!
Gibbs: Nobody likes a smart ass, David.

Ziva: Slow drivers.
Tony: Bad drivers.
Ziva: What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
Tony: You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.

Tony: It's a remote control receiver?
McGee: Yes, it is.
Ziva: What is the range?
McGee: Almost a kilometer.
Tony: I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?

Tony: Baby, I'm amazed. A maze of maize.
Ziva: What?!
Tony: Maize. It's the Indian word for corn.
Ziva: The Indian word for corn is maki.
Tony: Not Indians from India! Indians from, you know, here!
Ziva: Well if they were Indians from here then we would be called American Indians, you dork.
Tony: They'd be called Native Americans, Miss Citizenship Test.

Ziva: Just ignore him. He's like an annoying bug. Eventually he'll just go away.
McGee: Ziva, it's been five years. Trust me, he's not going anywhere.

Ziva: Look, I'm sure we're not the only ones that need to be rescued. Plus, things could be a lot worse.
McGee: Yeah, how's that?
Ziva: We could be stuck here with Tony.

McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association -
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker Spaniel Rufus.
Ziva: It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well.

Tony: Well, you're off on your own, Ziva. I'm already enlightened. I know exactly where I am. It may not be pretty, but I am DiNozzo. Hear me roar.
Ziva: Like an elephant.

Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!

McGee: Look at this. Two ply, double roll, top tuck with a thirty foot vertical climb. This kid has got an arm! Perfect drapage and good trunk to top ratio. It's very impressive.
Ziva: I do not understand the humor or the art.
McGee: It's a cultural thing. Tony would tell you.

Ziva: You cannot even work your email properly! You always reply to all. It drives me absolutely nuts! You know, when it comes to computers, you are almost as incompetent as Gib - [looks around]
Tony: You thought Gibbs was behind you. You know why? Because sneaky people expect sneakiness. It's a vicious circle.

You cannot trust a man whose loyalty has a price.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 129 in total

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.