Ziva: You can't make an omelet without breaking some legs.
Tony: You're never making me breakfast!
Ziva: That is the truth!
Tony: It's supposed to be "eggs".
Ziva: Cook them yourself!

McGee: Who'd wanna impersonate Tony?
Ziva: Perhaps Jack Nicholson. You know, impersonation revenge?
McGee: Or it's a frame-up.
Ziva: Jeanne Benoit?
McGee: Overseas. Maybe it was Trent Kort.
Ziva: Are you detecting a trend here?
McGee: Tony does have a way with people.

Gibbs (looking at photo): Gang tattoo.
Ziva: Or pecados capitales.
Tony: Capital fish.
Ziva: Deadly sins, you idiot, pecado is fish.
Tony: Don't scoff at me, lots of gangs are named after fish. There's the sharks... there's barracudas... Rumblefish.

Ziva: He really likes her, Tony. You have to tell him.
Tony (laughs): I know. But it's actually kind of flattering... in a creepy way.
Ziva (angry): What did you think would happen?
Tony: I don't know... the flaw in the plan was the plan but I got another plan to end it.
Ziva: Which is?
Tony: You ever see "Fatal Attraction"?

Ziva: You have to tell him [McGee] the truth.
Tony: Not until I'm absolutely sure lying won't work.

Tony: (photographing a wrecked car) Huh, someone didn't know how to parallel park!
Ziva: I have always found it hard to park when someone is shooting with you.

Ziva: I remember my first fight. I was eight. Shmuel Rubinstein.
Tony: Sounds like a real stud.
Ziva: One punch and it was over.
Tony: What did poor Shmuel do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.

Tony: Don't worry McScout; We got our Mossad hunting dog. Bark once for yes.
Ziva: Grrrr!

Tony: (on the phone) Hey Probie, what I am looking at?
Vance: A career in the fast food industry.
Tony: Director Vance. How are you, sir?

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

‘You think you’re alone in the dark. Close your eyes. Remember everything good.’ My mom said that to me just before she died. Smart lady.

Gibbs