Tom: What was that?!
Lynette: What was what?
Tom: You were bracing! You were bracing with your leg! I was trying to lay on top of you and you were bracing yourself against the mattress so you don't have to get on your back!

Lynette: (to Tom) If you take this job, you are never allowed to bring up what happened before with your promotion.
Tom: That's it? Deal.
Lynette: No, it's not a deal, I need a solemn vow that you will never throw that in my face ever again, because if you do, you will unleash demons that you do not want to meet.
Tom: I get it.
Lynette: And what I really need from you is to be forgiven.
Tom: Actually, I already had.

Parker: So, who won the fight?
Tom: We weren't fighting, mommy's just letting daddy know where he stands.

(to Lynette) Hey, honey - good news! I checked on Penny and she didn't scream. I think she's getting used to the mask.

Lynette: It's not the Ebola virus, it's chicken pox! You are being a baby!
Tom: Yes, I am, and if you think I'm being a baby now, do I need to remind you what I'm like when I'm sick? Remember that time I had strep throat? We wound up in marriage counselling.
Lynette: I'll call the office.
Tom: Thanks, honey.

Lynette: So, you're saying if I died, you would want a second wife, and a family?
Tom: Maybe...
Lynette: I can't believe you've actually thought about this!
Tom: Haven't you?
Lynette: Thought about who'd I'm marry if you died? Hmm.... NO!
Tom: It's a backup plan, I'm not going to use it!

Tom: I'm serious, Lynette. I don't make the money around here anymore. I don't provide for you and the kids. And I wasn't gonna let them snip out the last thing that makes me a man. (referring to a vasectomy)
Lynette: Staying home and taking care of the kids doesn't make you less of a man. That's crazy.
Tom: You expect me to calm your irrational fears. I expect you to calm mine.
Lynette: You're you saying you're unhappy?
Tom: A little bit, yeah.
Lynette: Well, what we gonna do about that?
Tom: I don't know.
Lynette: Well, can't we just---?
Tom: No, Lynette. I don't know.

Lynette: Are you drunk?
Tom: I'm a hot guy living in a neighborhood of lonely ladies!

(Lynette comes home from the supermarket suspiscious of Tom and Gabrielle)
Tom: Did you get the bread?
Lynette: They were out.
Tom: Of bread?

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