TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

(to Lynette) Hey, honey - good news! I checked on Penny and she didn't scream. I think she's getting used to the mask.

Lynette: It's not the Ebola virus, it's chicken pox! You are being a baby!
Tom: Yes, I am, and if you think I'm being a baby now, do I need to remind you what I'm like when I'm sick? Remember that time I had strep throat? We wound up in marriage counselling.
Lynette: I'll call the office.
Tom: Thanks, honey.

Lynette: So, you're saying if I died, you would want a second wife, and a family?
Tom: Maybe...
Lynette: I can't believe you've actually thought about this!
Tom: Haven't you?
Lynette: Thought about who'd I'm marry if you died? Hmm.... NO!
Tom: It's a backup plan, I'm not going to use it!

Tom: I'm serious, Lynette. I don't make the money around here anymore. I don't provide for you and the kids. And I wasn't gonna let them snip out the last thing that makes me a man. (referring to a vasectomy)
Lynette: Staying home and taking care of the kids doesn't make you less of a man. That's crazy.
Tom: You expect me to calm your irrational fears. I expect you to calm mine.
Lynette: You're you saying you're unhappy?
Tom: A little bit, yeah.
Lynette: Well, what we gonna do about that?
Tom: I don't know.
Lynette: Well, can't we just---?
Tom: No, Lynette. I don't know.

Lynette: Are you drunk?
Tom: I'm a hot guy living in a neighborhood of lonely ladies!

(Lynette comes home from the supermarket suspiscious of Tom and Gabrielle)
Tom: Did you get the bread?
Lynette: They were out.
Tom: Of bread?

Lynette, I can keep my children alive. When you left this morning, there were four. When you came home, there were still four. When you come home and there are only three, then you get to lecture me.

Tom: What have you done to Mrs. Mulburry?
Lynette: Until there's a body, there's no evidence of a crime.

Lynette: Tom, he attacked a teacher with an umbrella!
Tom: It was a poke, he poked her.

Parker: Daddy! I can't find Mrs. Mulburry's umbrella! Where is it?
Tom: Well, I don't know, sport. Honey, have you seen the umbrella?
Lynette: No.. can't say that I have...
Tom: OK, listen, don't worry about it. I'm sure Mrs. Mulburry's here somewhere.
Lynette: Or... huh...Maybe she's not. She could have... left. You know... maybe she had some other little boy she needed to help.
Parker: Like who?
Lynette: I don't know. It could be.... huh.. a little boy in... England. Named Spencer.
Tom: Lynette...?
Lynette: I mean... it is possible that someone like little Spencer needed Mrs. Mulburry more, 'cause... he doesn't have a daddy and a mommy, who love him. Yeah, that's it. He's an orphan!... with no hands!

Tom: Hey, what's wrong?
Lynette: (Crying) Because of me, my son's imaginary friend got crushed by a garbage truck. I am the worst person in the world.
Tom: Honey, he is gonna get over this in no time. Trust me. And one day, when he is all grown up, you and Parker are gonna laugh hysterically about this.
Lynette: You really think so? Really?
Tom: I promise.

Lynette: And, the rat, you took it outside?
Tom: Oh no, I smashed it with a shovel.
Lynette: You killed it?
Tom: Not with the first hit.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 71 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

(narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.

Mary Alice
× Close Ad