Tom: Susan, have you talked to Lynette.
Susan: Uh, no. Have you tried her cell?
Tom: Yeah, she isn't picking up. Do you know where she is?
Susan: Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Tom: Susan, I think you do.
Susan: Really don't, Tom. Is everything okay?
Tom: Yeah. Yeah, we just had a fight. Listen, if you talk to her, will you please ask her to call me? Thank you.

Lynette: Hi.
Tom: Hi.
Mary Alice: Hi, uh, we just wanted to come welcome you to the neighborhood.
Bree: Um, but we could come back later.
Lynette: Yeah. No, wait. Actually, wait. This is perfect. You know why? Because we need some impartial judges.
Tom: Lynette...
Lynette: Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant-- begged you--and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career.
You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular.
Tom: Lynette, we've just met these people.

Bree: Um, we, uh, just came over to introduce ourselves, but we can, um, do that at another time.
Tom: No, wait. Please stay. It's okay. We're okay. We're okay, right? Honey, we don't wanna freak out the new neighbors.
Lynette: I'm sorry that you saw my panic attack. I won't let it happen again, especially since this is my last pregnancy.
Tom: Right. You're the boss. I'm just your love slave.
Susan/Mary Alice: Aw.
Lynette: Well, don't encourage him.
Tom: Honey, clearly, our new neighbors see that you have been gifted with a phenomenal husband.

Lynette: Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you, and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career. You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular.
Tom: Lynette, we've just met these people.
Lynette: Then, then you go in for an ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats. Then, and only then, does your husband tell you that twins run in his family.
Tom: I didn't think it was that big a deal!
Lynette: Your family had eight sets of twins over three generations, not to mention your relatives in Kentucky with triplets! Triplets! So I ask you, do I not deserve to punish this man severely?
Susan: Well, actually, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
Lynette: What are you, a scientist?
Susan: No. No, I write children's books.

Lynette:Tom, it would be better for your general well-being if you did not laugh at this moment in time.
Tom:Am I going to have to ruin the surprise? Because it's a really good surprise.
Lynette:I'm thinking yeah, ruin it.
Tom:I have been going to Atlantic City for business. I am up for a top spot with Jerry's firm, Huffington Promotions. And if you don't believe me, you can call the CEO himself.

Lynette: Atlantic City?
Tom: Yeah, it's last minute, but Jerry got a great deal on a suite at one of the casinos and a bunch of the old gang is coming in from New York and, god, it's been forever since I have been so, how could I turn that down?
Lynette: Yeah, how indeed.
Tom: What?
Lynette: I didn't say anything.

Lynette: Ed can't fire you unless he has just cause, so until this blows over you have to be a model employee: show up on time, no more three martini lunches and above all, have ready all your presentations.
Tom: I can't believe I've been victimized like this.
Lynette: Honey, in all fairness...those are all things you should be doing anyway..
Tom: ...Fine!

Tom: I have got the Boston Toy presentation ready to go.
Ed: Actually, I don't have time for a full pitch, so just give me the gist.
Tom: Excuse me?
Ed: You know, boil it down. Give me one line.
Tom: Okay, basically, it's "toys are fun".
Ed: Hate it.
Tom: How can you hate it? I only gave you three words.
Ed: It's three words I hate.

Tom: You're saying that our clients deserve more effort than your own family?
Lynette: OK! So if I apologize for upsetting you at work can we get past it and enjoy our meal?
Tom: Absolutely.
Lynette: I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I am sorry.
Tom: Thanks.
Lynette: So boys, how do you enjoy the meal?
Preston: It's a little salty...
Lynette: Just eat it!

Tom: What was that?!
Lynette: What was what?
Tom: You were bracing! You were bracing with your leg! I was trying to lay on top of you and you were bracing yourself against the mattress so you don't have to get on your back!

Lynette: (to Tom) If you take this job, you are never allowed to bring up what happened before with your promotion.
Tom: That's it? Deal.
Lynette: No, it's not a deal, I need a solemn vow that you will never throw that in my face ever again, because if you do, you will unleash demons that you do not want to meet.
Tom: I get it.
Lynette: And what I really need from you is to be forgiven.
Tom: Actually, I already had.

Parker: So, who won the fight?
Tom: We weren't fighting, mommy's just letting daddy know where he stands.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 71 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

(narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.

Mary Alice
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