Tom: You said you'd support me.
Lynette: My mistake. I assumed you'd have a dream worth supporting.

Tom: Okay, now when I say open, don't look with your eyes. Look with your imagination.
Lynette: Okay.
Tom: Okay. Open.
Lynette: Oh dear god.
Tom: Damn it, you looked with your eyes!

Tom: I bet you didn't see that one coming?
Lynette: No.. That was a real frisbee to the head, that one!

Tom: Why are you being such a hard ass?
Lynette: It's called parenting, Tom. Watch and learn.

(Lynette practising baseball with Parker.)
Tom: What are you guys doing?
Lynette: I'll tell you what were not doing, quitting.
Tom: Hey buddy, did you change your mind?
Parker: NO!

(Tom is on the phone with Lynette)
Tom: I can barely sit up. The kids are running wild. I need you to come up here.
Lynette: Why don't you take a muscle relaxer?
Tom: I've already taken two, they're not working.
Lynette: Well, why don't you give them to the kids?
Tom: Lynette! ... Parker! For the last time, put DOWN the DAMN AXE!
Lynette: Oh... alright, I'll be there as soon as I can.

Tom: She sat down so quickly, I didn't know what to say!
Lynette: How about "You're in the frame, bitch. Move!"

Lynette: So what're you saying? You're more afraid of Nora than you are of me?
Tom: (stuttering) Is that what you think I meant? Because that's not what I meant! (Lynette keeps glaring at him) You scare the hell outta me baby!

Nora: See, Lynette? See? It's not all about money. It's not even a little bit about money. It's about family. Cause we're all a big family now.
Lynette: Sort of.
Nora: Which is why I took all the money that you gave me, and I put it all down on the sweetest little 2 bedroom house over on Arden Drive.
Tom:Ar-Arden Drive over- over by the mall?
Lynette: Like, five minutes from here Arden Drive?
Nora: It's perfect. I could drop Kayla off here anytime so she can play with her new siblings. She can spend time with her dad.

Lynette: I don't see another way to make this work. We've gotta dip into the pensions.
Tom: Oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Lynette: Well, it's that or the kids college fund. We'll write Nora one big check, and in return, she'll sign away her claim for the back child support. If we're lucky, she'll take the bird in the hand.
Tom: Okay, what are we talking about? How much?
Lynette: Well, we need to show her we're serious. $30,000.00?
Tom: Are you kidding? Thirty?
Lynette: If she takes you to court, we'll lose and end up paying 11 years of child support all at once. We could lose the house.

Nora: Hey, you! You must be Lynette.
Lynette: And you must be Nora.
Nora: I guess it'd be weird if we hugged.
Lynette: Probably.
Tom: Wh...where's Kayla?
Nora: Oh, she didn't come. We got into this huge fight, and I was, like...I just couldn't stand to look at her face on that long plane trip, so I dumped her at the neighbors. But, hey, come on, you got me.

Lynette: I must have been crazy, agreeing to this.
Tom: Honey, you're gonna feel differently once you meet Kayla. She is sweet, smart little girl, plus it'll help you get past your resentment of Nora.
Lynette: I don't..Well, here goes.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 71 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

(narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.

Mary Alice
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