Tom: So wait, we're not having sex?
Lynette: Hey, you banned me from your opening!

Tom: She threw your doll in the trash?
Lynette: No, first she ripped off its arms, stuffed it with chili, then she threw it in the trash!

Tom: I don't want you to be afraid to take a firm hand with Kayla. She is part of our family now and.. you know what that means.
Lynette: Yeah! I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children.

Lynette: I am snapping because there is a monster across the street and Barney Fife here is making me sound like 'the bad guy'.
(Lynette leaves the police office while Tom stays with the officer.)
Tom: Look I'm sorry. She's been under a lot of stress, hasn't slept well...
Lynette: (from outside the office) You better not be apologizing for me!

Tom: (to his children) And we'll all see Auntie Nora again in heaven.
Lynette: Or wherever.

(Lynette offers to go for custody of Kayla.)
Tom: I never thought you'd want a fifth kid.
Lynette: I don't, and I didn't want the first four, but they're starting to grow on me.

Tom: You said you'd support me.
Lynette: My mistake. I assumed you'd have a dream worth supporting.

Tom: Okay, now when I say open, don't look with your eyes. Look with your imagination.
Lynette: Okay.
Tom: Okay. Open.
Lynette: Oh dear god.
Tom: Damn it, you looked with your eyes!

Tom: I bet you didn't see that one coming?
Lynette: No.. That was a real frisbee to the head, that one!

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