Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

That guy's a dad!

Ted: Wayne had no manners. Wayne, manners, Wayne Manor. Home of Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman. Mentor to dick Grayson his orphan ward who, at night, would don the colorful vestments of The Boy Wonder, A.K.A. Robin!
Robin: Holy long walk for a short drink of water Ted!

Barney: How's the single life?
Ted: I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, I'm laying low.
Barney: Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing thirty nine?

People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.

Lily: I'm pregnant with baby number five.
Ted: But baby number four isn't out yet!
Marshall: I'm just that good!

Ted: Every three years we sit down and Tril it up, agreed?
Marshall: A-greedo.

I don't think I can do normal anymore.

Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.

Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?

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