How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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I don't think I can do normal anymore.

Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.

Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?

Ted: Barney that was my VCR.
Barney: Ted, it was a VCR!

Ted: Barney, you've really grown up, you know that?
Barney: Thanks, now lets watch our two best friends have sex on tape!

Last week I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee!

Ted: You know what Robin? Been thinking about it, guess it's kind of nice you're such a badass.
Robin: It's pretty badass your so nice Ted.

Robin: Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.
Ted: You called her a whore!
Robin: Who wears that much make up?
Ted: Old ladies!
Robin: Who take money for sex, exactly!

We built Chip City... We built Chip City on all your dough!

Barney: Stop pining over Marshall and Lily! Have some self respect. Now put this fiver in your mouth so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with...
Ted: Barney! I'm allowed to miss them alright? They're my two best friends.
Barney: I'm your two best friends!

It's like when they canceled Party Of Five for the second time. I mean when they canceled, sports.

You can't fire me I'm union bitch!

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 477 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney