Ted Mosby Quotes
I don't think I can do normal anymore.
Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.
Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?
Ted: Barney that was my VCR.
Barney: Ted, it was a VCR!
Ted: Barney, you've really grown up, you know that?
Barney: Thanks, now lets watch our two best friends have sex on tape!
Last week I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee!
Ted: You know what Robin? Been thinking about it, guess it's kind of nice you're such a badass.
Robin: It's pretty badass your so nice Ted.
Robin: Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.
Ted: You called her a whore!
Robin: Who wears that much make up?
Ted: Old ladies!
Robin: Who take money for sex, exactly!
We built Chip City... We built Chip City on all your dough!
Barney: Stop pining over Marshall and Lily! Have some self respect. Now put this fiver in your mouth so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with...
Ted: Barney! I'm allowed to miss them alright? They're my two best friends.
Barney: I'm your two best friends!
It's like when they canceled Party Of Five for the second time. I mean when they canceled, sports.
You can't fire me I'm union bitch!