How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Ted: Cleveland sports are still relative. Lebron who? Right guys?
Barney: Ted neither Cleveland or you knows how to get over someone leaving them.

Ted: If called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin.
Robin: If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Teds your guy. If you want him pulling the cord on some other nerds panties, I'm your guy.

Red: Victoria keeps tampons at my apartment.
Robin: Damn it!

Kids, when you're in a new relationship and you're competing with your ex for who's happier, it can get ugly.

When you leave someone at the altar you always leave a note!

Robin: If I stole a scalpel and I cut you open, all I would find is this scared trembling pile of crap.
Ted: See I've missed these talks.

That guy's a dad!

Ted: Wayne had no manners. Wayne, manners, Wayne Manor. Home of Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman. Mentor to dick Grayson his orphan ward who, at night, would don the colorful vestments of The Boy Wonder, A.K.A. Robin!
Robin: Holy long walk for a short drink of water Ted!

Barney: How's the single life?
Ted: I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, I'm laying low.
Barney: Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing thirty nine?

People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.

Lily: I'm pregnant with baby number five.
Ted: But baby number four isn't out yet!
Marshall: I'm just that good!

Ted: Every three years we sit down and Tril it up, agreed?
Marshall: A-greedo.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 477 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney