Why don't you hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain?

Truth is, journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talk, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart that only a fella can fill.

My iPhone 5 is vibrating. That's a new feature of the iPhone 5, they vibrate now.

I lost an enormous last minute bet I placed on myself with a shady Las Vegas bookie.

It's a reporter from USA Today. The newspaper for people who can't read.

If I wanna win this race, I need 20 cc's of man. Stat!

Why would someone assume I'm a Friend of Ellen just because I'm manish and I have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls' sport and I married myself?

It's not personal Porcelain, it's politics.

I'm Sue Sylvester, I have a human heart and I approve this message.

I heard. And I am literally horny with fear.

Why it isn't Porcelain's dad, who may or may not have a baboon heart?

If this nation wants to impress its future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight.

Glee Quotes

Sex. It's just like hugging. Only wetter.

Holly

I'm gonna miss all of you. I love you guys.

Puck