Why don't you hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain?

Truth is, journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talk, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart that only a fella can fill.

My iPhone 5 is vibrating. That's a new feature of the iPhone 5, they vibrate now.

I lost an enormous last minute bet I placed on myself with a shady Las Vegas bookie.

It's a reporter from USA Today. The newspaper for people who can't read.

If I wanna win this race, I need 20 cc's of man. Stat!

Why would someone assume I'm a Friend of Ellen just because I'm manish and I have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls' sport and I married myself?

It's not personal Porcelain, it's politics.

I'm Sue Sylvester, I have a human heart and I approve this message.

I heard. And I am literally horny with fear.

Why it isn't Porcelain's dad, who may or may not have a baboon heart?

If this nation wants to impress its future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight.

Glee Quotes

Puck: Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?
Sam: I don't know. I've never had balls in my mouth. Have you?

Have you ever liked someone so much you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?

Rachel