Tuesdays 8:00 PM on FOX
Glee

You can maybe go one day without the driving clothes. It's a wheel chair Artie, not a Porsche.

For God's sake, Amelia, it's 2012. If you wanna marry Will Schuester, ask him.

I made plans to shoot reindeer from my helicopter with Sarah Palin, but she canceled. Apparently Todd gets fussy when she misses his ballet recitals.

Christmas is a time for forgiveness. I have decided to forgive you for having no talent and ruining the American songbook, one mash-up at a time.

Why don't you hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain?

Truth is, journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talk, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart that only a fella can fill.

My iPhone 5 is vibrating. That's a new feature of the iPhone 5, they vibrate now.

I lost an enormous last minute bet I placed on myself with a shady Las Vegas bookie.

It's a reporter from USA Today. The newspaper for people who can't read.

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