This is America, we speak English here.

I just can’t even...excuse me I need to go kill myself.

Adultery. That’s what this is called.

This place smells like barf!

You see, I’ve been taking my cue from cable news lately and just lying a lot.

I have before me a buttload of angry letters from members of the animal husbandry club, their parents, Dayton local politicians, the National Autism Association as well as One Million Moms. Although in actuality there aren’t a million of them. There’s really only 100,000 but each and every one of them is an uptight bitch.

The only thing I can see you giving birth to is a bushel of russet potatoes.

I hate you both.

[to Blaine] This is contraband and if I catch you with your hand up the butt of anything that isn't human, you're in a world of trouble.

More than anyone I've ever met, I was born to be in charge.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't you dare. Over my dead body will you inexplicably shoehorn in another Billy Joel song just to punctuate one of your weekly lessons that inevitably veers off into a saccharine barrage of angst and affirmation.

Sam: I like me just the way I am and I'm not going to change for anyone.
Sue: Well that is just the screw you spirit employers love.

Glee Quotes

Rachel: I'm just scared. I haven't been this scared in my whole life. You know, when I was in high school and I had all these big Broadway dreams, I just got used to everyone laughing at me and I figured one day I would make it and I would show them that I'm not a joke anymore. And then I did and it all fell apart and I realized that there is a whole different kind of lauging that is way worse. So...I can't. I can't fail again.
Mercedes: Rachel, we're all going to fail again and again...the hardest part is just getting up, shaking it off, and getting on with it. Let me tell you this, when you sing? Nobody's laughing.

God as my witness, I will break her down.

Santana