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Glee

[to Blaine] This is contraband and if I catch you with your hand up the butt of anything that isn't human, you're in a world of trouble.

More than anyone I've ever met, I was born to be in charge.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't you dare. Over my dead body will you inexplicably shoehorn in another Billy Joel song just to punctuate one of your weekly lessons that inevitably veers off into a saccharine barrage of angst and affirmation.

Sam: I like me just the way I am and I'm not going to change for anyone.
Sue: Well that is just the screw you spirit employers love.

Becky: I don't want to hurt your feelings, Coach.
Sue: Oh, I don't have feelings, Becky.

Miley Cyrus. And the genital flapping dance known as twerking that makes men and women alike look like overgrown, constipated toddlers. This vulgar, sexually explicit excuse for a dance craze has brought American culture to a new low, and that's why tonight, western Ohio, I solemnly pledge to end the pandemic of twerking once and for all. Not only will I outlaw twerking at McKinley High, but I've submitted a bill to the Ohio State Legislature banning twerking in Ohio public schools. And Hannah Montana can go back to naked straddling the three-ton wrecking ball she was clearly upsold at Home Depot as the tiny cinder block room she's elected to demolish is only about 12 square feet and already has a wall missing.

This nation faces a far more insidious foe

Oh, please let it be another Journey song! There's got to be another one left!

Before Katy versus Gaga it was Jackie versus Marilyn, Betty versus Veronica. Mary Todd Lincoln versus Martha Washington. Why must we always choose between female pop archetypes? Why can't we just be them all!?

He was such a good guy. I'll never get to tell him. There's no less here. There's no happy ending. There's just nothing. He's just gone. He would have made an excellent teacher.

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