This place smells like barf!

You see, I’ve been taking my cue from cable news lately and just lying a lot.

I have before me a buttload of angry letters from members of the animal husbandry club, their parents, Dayton local politicians, the National Autism Association as well as One Million Moms. Although in actuality there aren’t a million of them. There’s really only 100,000 but each and every one of them is an uptight bitch.

The only thing I can see you giving birth to is a bushel of russet potatoes.

I hate you both.

[to Blaine] This is contraband and if I catch you with your hand up the butt of anything that isn't human, you're in a world of trouble.

More than anyone I've ever met, I was born to be in charge.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't you dare. Over my dead body will you inexplicably shoehorn in another Billy Joel song just to punctuate one of your weekly lessons that inevitably veers off into a saccharine barrage of angst and affirmation.

Sam: I like me just the way I am and I'm not going to change for anyone.
Sue: Well that is just the screw you spirit employers love.

Becky: I don't want to hurt your feelings, Coach.
Sue: Oh, I don't have feelings, Becky.

Miley Cyrus. And the genital flapping dance known as twerking that makes men and women alike look like overgrown, constipated toddlers. This vulgar, sexually explicit excuse for a dance craze has brought American culture to a new low, and that's why tonight, western Ohio, I solemnly pledge to end the pandemic of twerking once and for all. Not only will I outlaw twerking at McKinley High, but I've submitted a bill to the Ohio State Legislature banning twerking in Ohio public schools. And Hannah Montana can go back to naked straddling the three-ton wrecking ball she was clearly upsold at Home Depot as the tiny cinder block room she's elected to demolish is only about 12 square feet and already has a wall missing.

This nation faces a far more insidious foe

Oh, please let it be another Journey song! There's got to be another one left!

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

I just want somebody to love me.

Quinn