You're a regular Agatha Christie. Except even more sexless.

I'm everybody's Secret Santa. Yeah, you can just drop those anywhere.

You're not the only person at this school that consumes protein powder by the tubful.

This room feels weird. I can't shake the feeling that I'm inhaling a lot dead skin.

You're welcome to sing The Sound of Silence in your hotel room. Right now.

By the power invested in me by a website, I hereby pronounce you Sue and Sue. You may kiss yourself.

I can't suspend someone for shoving you into a locker. He'll just say he tripped and accidentally pushed you. I use that excuse all the time.

I will expel him faster than a Thai takeout place can read back a delivery order.

Kurt: When you call me "lady," that's bullying and it's really hurtful.
Sue: I'm sorry. I genuinely thought that was your name.

I just prefer to think of the homleess as outdoorsy. So shine on urban campers!

I suggest selling yourself on Craigslist under the heading of 'Men seeking Men with butt chins.'

You make the underflaps of my breasts burn, like when I used to rub them with poison sumac.

Glee Quotes

Rachel: This is what I wanted!
Sam: No, what you wanted was a second chance to get it right and Carmen just gave it to you. If you throw all that away you're going to be making the same mistake all over again

Finn: I seem to recall a rumor about a certain cheerleading coach at this school who once took horse estrogen and posed for Penthouse back in the day. So maybe I can just track that down and make a few copies and sell those to raise money for Regionals.
Sue: That's nothing but a rumor. But if that rumor were true, my Penthouse centerfold so groundbreaking that it completely redefined the term 'hirsute,' and gave birth unto these United States a pose so limber they named it the Regal American Not-So-Bald Spread Eagle, I promise you, my friend, you would never find it.