You're a regular Agatha Christie. Except even more sexless.

I'm everybody's Secret Santa. Yeah, you can just drop those anywhere.

You're not the only person at this school that consumes protein powder by the tubful.

This room feels weird. I can't shake the feeling that I'm inhaling a lot dead skin.

You're welcome to sing The Sound of Silence in your hotel room. Right now.

By the power invested in me by a website, I hereby pronounce you Sue and Sue. You may kiss yourself.

I can't suspend someone for shoving you into a locker. He'll just say he tripped and accidentally pushed you. I use that excuse all the time.

I will expel him faster than a Thai takeout place can read back a delivery order.

Kurt: When you call me "lady," that's bullying and it's really hurtful.
Sue: I'm sorry. I genuinely thought that was your name.

I just prefer to think of the homleess as outdoorsy. So shine on urban campers!

I suggest selling yourself on Craigslist under the heading of 'Men seeking Men with butt chins.'

You make the underflaps of my breasts burn, like when I used to rub them with poison sumac.

Glee Quotes

Artie: I thought I was over someone, but I still think I have feelings for them.
Brittany: The Clintons?

I had it all planned out. I was gonna make it big on Broadway and maybe make a Woody Allen movie. And then when we were ready, I would just, come back and he'd be teaching here and I'd walk through those doors and I would just say 'I'm home' and then we would live happily ever after.

Rachel