Ron: I'll have number eight.
Waiter: That's a party platter.
Ron: I know what I am, son.

I wish this office had only walls.

People who buy things are suckers.

Before we go in there, I want to say something. You are a wonderful person. Our friendship means a lot to me. And you look very beautiful.

Leslie: Ron, I'm going to need you to walk me down the aisle.
Ron: It would be an honor. And the first time I won't regret walking down the aisle.

Your house isn't haunted. You're lonely.

The next thing you'll want to do is ditch the terrier and get yourself a proper dog. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat and cats are pointless.

I wouldn't know. I've never been hungover. After I've had too much whiskey, I cook myself a large flank steak, pan fried and salted butter. I eat that, put on a pair of wet socks and go to sleep.

I did not sleep for one second last night. And I cracked the bottom of the toilet bowl.

There's been a mistake. You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats.

I'm going to get 12 eggs and part of a dead animal. Dealer's choice. Please and thank you.

I love nothing!

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.