Tom put all my records into this rectangle!

I believe luck is a concept invented by the weak to explain their failures.

Ben: Today is Leslie’s last day as a counselor, so everyone needs to be extra supportive.
Ron: Already done. When I walked past her this morning, I gave her a kind nod.

Chris: Ron, I want to do things the Swanson way.
Ron: Wonderful. First rule. No conversation lasts longer than 100 total words. I have used 9. You have used 20.

Donna: Oh my God, you are such a sore loser.
Ron: I am not a sore loser. It’s just that I prefer to win and when I don’t, I get furious.

I will leave my children $50 a piece. Enough for the cab ride home from the funeral and a steak dinner. End of discussion.

Ron: The three most useless jobs in the world in order are: lawyer, congressman, and doctor.

I've had the same will since I was 8 years old. Upon my death, I will transfer all of my belongings to the man or animal who has killed me.

Ben: I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to have a weapon at work.
Ron: Literally, everything is a weapon. That folder in my hands is far deadlier than this bow in yours.

Ron Swanson: Ron.
Ron Don: Ron.
Ron Swanson: Last name?
Ron Done: Done.
Ron Swanson: Is that your name or are you telling me you're finished talking?
Ron Done: Both.
Ron Swanson: Done and Done.

Ron: We only subscribe to two magazines: Reader's Digest and Ebony. Ebony was a clerical error but it was an interesting year of reading.

Sales person: Oh, we don't accept American currency, sir.
Ron: This is the most wonderful piece of paper in the world. Of course you'll accept it. Accept it.

Parks & Rec Quotes

I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.

Mark

You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing ... everyone is just who they are and who they are is just stone cold gay.

Leslie