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Parks-and-recreation

Sales person: Oh, we don't accept American currency, sir.
Ron: This is the most wonderful piece of paper in the world. Of course you'll accept it. Accept it.

Look—a clock. We don't have that in America. You call that a tower? Try the Sears Tower, friend.

History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.

Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.

I warned you. Standard birth control methods are usually ineffective against a Swanson.

I believe in cutting useless government projects. I also believe in cutting useful government projects.

Tom: Ron, ask me if I'm sad.
Ron: No.

Ron: There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and doing nothing, I'll do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night if it meant that nothing got done.

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