We can't have raccoons for the Christmas thing. They'll hunt the kids for sport.

My name is Ron. You don't need to know my last name. Whoever wants to talk, go ahead and we'll be out of here in a tight fifteen.

There's a bunch of messages waiting for you about a bunch of things I don't understand.

Take it down a notch. You already won your Oscar, DiCaprio.

Tom-cat, pull up a mouth. This buffet is unstoppable.

Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt of the Earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field. Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.

Looking at her, I feel like she might be the perfect spooning size for me.

Ron: This seems like none of our business.
Leslie: Be supportive, OK? Don't be all like, "No. I don't want to. I am a guy and I like fire, and playing hockey and eating meat. No, no says I."
April: That was a really good Ron.
Leslie: Thank you.

They'll only talk to you or me. And I can't go, because I don't want to.

Leslie: Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.
Ron: Sure, how about you shoot me in the head. Oh wait, you already did that.

Ron: When I look at my palm I see a lady's mouth French kissing a dog. Is that normal?
Ann: Well, the pain medication I gave you is pretty strong. Donna uses it for menstrual cramps.

And just like that. The one tiny aspect of government I enjoyed was clubbed to death before my eyes.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.