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Parks-and-recreation

Ron: Is this everybody?

Donna: Ann took a cab. Tom's in the trunk. Jerry's on the roof.

I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.

I want this night to get krazy. Get me a shot of snake juice. I hear it has a dope aftertaste.

Leslie: Do you remember what you said to me five years ago when Eagleton offered me that job and I asked you for your advice?
Ron: Do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?
Leslie: Right, but then after, when I pressed you, what did you say?
Ron: I believe I said that I thought we worked well together, and that I might disagree with your philosophy but I respected you. And I said that you'll get a lot of job offers in your life but you only have one hometown.
Leslie: Yes, that's how I remember it.

Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.

Everyone shut up and look at me!

Ron: Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?
April: I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
Ron: Get his number?
April: No.
Ron: Good girl.

Here's mine. It's a hamburger made out of meat on a bun with nothing. Add ketchup if you want I couldn't care less.

Employee: Sir, is there a problem?
Ron: I'm just making sure no one ever has to eat this.

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