Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks-and-recreation

Tammy: Guess I'll be heading home.

Ron: Catching the number twelve bus to Satan's butthole?

Tammy: Actually I prefer the number 69 train to Humpsville Station.

Ron: An hour ago an entire fireball consumed my entire face and it was far preferable to spending another second with you.
Tammy: Tell that to your pants tent.

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

I think if you would know one thing about me it would be that I prefer laying wreaths to lighting torches.

Hello Leslie, how long have you been sleeping with Ben?

Chris, you have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible that it might ruin the entire department.

This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. They always try to shake things up and their ideas are terrible and it brings city hall to a grinding halt. I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show.

I don't like loud noises and people making a fuss. And I especially don't like people celebrating, because they know a piece of private information about me. Plus the whole thing is a scam. Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.

It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on a taxpayer's teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.

Displaying quotes 109 - 117 of 255 in total