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Parks-and-recreation

I'm going to type every word I know! Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole.

Took her home. Polished her up. Bought a brand new ribbon off of electronic bay dot com.

Tammy: You're a joke. You're not even a man anymore. Oh, and by the way, last night I faked four out of the seven.
Ron: So did I.

Ron: Tammy and I are in love, and we're going to start a family together. In fact. She's ovulating. So if you'll excuse us, we're heading off on our honeymoon.
Jerry: Wow, where you going?

It's too bad. I just taught her how to whittel. She made me this tiny sharpened stick.

I am off to have a mid-morning pre-lunch with my lady friend, but I will be back in time for lunch.

Tammy: A relationship? With whom?
Ron: A lovely, intelligent, self-possessed pediatric surgeon named Wendy.
Tammy: Sounds like a real whore.

My ex-wife Tammy likes to check in every so often and make sure I'm doing OK. And if I am, she tries to [expletive] everything up.

Jack Cooper: It appears you have an overdue book.
Ron: Oh, do I?
Jack Cooper: It's Not the Size of the Boat: Embracing Life with a Micropenis.
Ron: Tammy.

Leslie: I think we should put Twilight in the time capsule.
Ron: Leslie, no. We don't negotiate with weirdos.

Ron: I am submitting this menu from a Pawnee institution, J.J.'s Diner. Home of the world's best breakfast dish: The Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse.

I like Andy. I'm surrounded by a lot of women in this department. And that includes the men.

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 255 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

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