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Leslie: Do you remember what you said to me five years ago when Eagleton offered me that job and I asked you for your advice?
Ron: Do whatever the hell you want. What do I care?
Leslie: Right, but then after, when I pressed you, what did you say?
Ron: I believe I said that I thought we worked well together, and that I might disagree with your philosophy but I respected you. And I said that you'll get a lot of job offers in your life but you only have one hometown.
Leslie: Yes, that's how I remember it.

Leslie has a lot of qualities I find horrifying. But the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be.

Everyone shut up and look at me!

Ron: Who the hell is 'Fwarp'?
April: I don't know. I couldn't really hear him. It sounded like his name was Fwarp.
Ron: Get his number?
April: No.
Ron: Good girl.

Here's mine. It's a hamburger made out of meat on a bun with nothing. Add ketchup if you want I couldn't care less.

Employee: Sir, is there a problem?
Ron: I'm just making sure no one ever has to eat this.

Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for twelve years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like.

"The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy."

"The dentist pulled the tooth out yesterday but it's always a good idea to demonstrate to your coworkers that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. Plus, it's always fun to see Tom faint."

What the fuck is a German muffin?!?

Ben: I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.
Ron: It's called the "ground" when it's outside.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 255 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April
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