The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Penny [to Sheldon]: Your food's ready.
Leonard: No, no, what are you doing? He's both happy and quiet. It's like seeing a unicorn and Bigfoot at the same time.

I'm not going to the mall with someone dressed like a dumb space bear.

That's right. My phone is just as smart as you guys.

Bernadette told me everything. Now you don't get the left or the right.

Leonard: They weren't boobies. They were muscles. And, the make-up was green, I was pretending to be the Hulk.
Penny: You were wearing her bra.
Leonard: That was to keep my muscles from sagging!

Penny: Not even the chapter on the breast feeding crisis?
Leonard: It was not a crisis. Apparently, I favored the left one, she got a little lopsided.
Penny: Oh, my God, you still go left!

Penny: Oh, come on. Why? How bad could it be?
Leonard: There-there's chapters about potty training, bed wetting and masturbation. Basically, if something came out of me, she wrote about it!

The Disappointing Child by Beverly Hofstadter.

Raj: I didn't want anyone to feel bad at the end of the game. Some of those puzzles were really hard. I didn't know who was going to get Penny.
Penny: Run.
Raj: That came out wrong. But you have to admit you had a wonderful time.
Penny: Run to India.

Sheldon: To the planetarium!
Penny: Let's go!
Leonard: To the Tar Pits!
Bernadette: Let's go!
Amy: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month.
Howard: Let's go!

Penny: Oh it's a blowing alley.
Sheldon: Yes. My brain is better than everybody [holds up bowling ball].

Think of Sheldon when you apply it.

Penny (hands Howard the coupon)
Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 361 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Amy: Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
Sheldon: I love you, too.
Amy: You said it.
Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.