Penny: Okay, look, here, page 58. I oil-wrestle an orangutan
in a bikini.
Leonard: Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini?
Penny: Both of us.
Leonard: So it's a family film.

Penny: Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon [running to bathroom]: Here come the waterworks!
Leonard: Aren't you gonna ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?

Penny: Who's the murderer?
Raj: Any question but that.
Penny: Sorry ... hey, who's not the murderer?

Penny: Are you going to lay on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
Stuart: What do you think I'd do at home?

Penny: This isn't your car.
Leonard: I know. I thought we'd take yours.

Penny: I'm sorry, is the fact that my life's falling apart interfering with your board game?
Sheldon: It is.

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Penny: Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say (deep voice): "Must keep gorilla hands from killing again."
Raj: If she did, it would be amazing. That woman can do no wrong.

Sheldon: No, I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by a princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or, you're just a tall, annoying frog.

Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will, and then you came along and reshaped him, with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals.
Penny: Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?
Leonard: "Fancy" sounds like a compliment.

Penny: Translation?
Leonard: Waah. I don't want a table!

Leonard: In fact, if you want, we can do it right here on Sheldon's spot.
Penny: That is the least sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.

Leonard: Plus, I'm not sure it's a great idea to take Penny to where wine comes from. [chuckles] What? It's a joke. Oh, come on. We bust on each other. I wear dorky glasses, you might have a problem -- it's all for laughs.
Penny: That would really piss me off if I didn't have a buzz going on.

TBBT Quotes

Howard: Attention people of Earth: Tonight, there will be two moons in the sky.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.