Penny: If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?
Amy: Ok, if you're going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.

Penny: Oh, Thor. He's hot.
Stuart: Yeah, he kind of is.

Oh, this is the best. You have booze with breakfast on a Tuesday, you have a problem. You do it on the weekend, you have brunch.

Penny: Damn. You have more make-up than I do. You've got better make-up than I do. Yep, I'm borrowing ing this.
Leonard: Hey, hey, hey. This is my comic con make-up. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.

Penny: Molecules.
Leonard: Okay. come with me.
Penny: Where are we going?
Leonard: To my bedroom. So, I can take everything off but those glasses. And, maybe the boots.

Leonard: Can I tell you a secret?
Penny: What's that?
Leonard: All these women chasing me, I kinda do feel like Captain Kirk.
Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Leonard: Sure.
Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk and we're all going to stop.
Leonard: Message ... received.

Penny: Is having a real-life girlfriend that has sex with you getting in the way of your board games.
Leonard: A little bit, yeah.

Penny: You are so butch.
Leonard: Oh, I got a little paper cut.
Penny: Of course you did, your hands are softer than veal.

Raj: You got this buddy.
Leonard: Yeah, come on, Howard. Hook that worm.
Raj: You can do it.
Penny: That's great. Cheerleading. Way to man things up.

Don't name him. Just jam a hook into his face.

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?
Penny: Damn.
Amy: Well, at least, when we do make love, Sheldon won't be thinking about his mother.

Amy: At some point, they're bound to lock horns.
Penny: I'm assuming these are some kind of horns they bought at Comic-Con?

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Are you still mad about the sperm bank?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care—two millimeters?! That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: No, it's true! I did a series of experiments when I was twelve; my father broke his clavicle.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon