Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
The-big-bang-theory

Leonard: You went to the comic book store by yourself?
Penny: Yeah. It was fun. I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks. Felt pretty good.

Amy: I'm dating Sheldon Cooper
Penny: Yes, on purpose.
Amy: He's handsome, he's lanky, he's brilliant and his skin has the pale, waxy quality.
Penny: Well, sickly is the new sexy.

Penny: Please come home and let me cut your hair.
Sheldon: Amy what do you think?
Amy: There's not a hair on this body I wouldn't let this woman trim.

Penny: Where are you going?
Sheldon: Where ever the music takes me kitten.

Penny: Why did you get bongos?
Sheldon: Richard Feynman played bongos, I thought I would give that a try
Leonard: Richard Feynman was a physicist
Penny: It's three o'clock in the morning, I don't care if Richard Feynman was a purple leprechaun that lived in my butt!

Penny: Ok, what just happened?
Leonard: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer, and Sheldon being ok with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time and changed the course of human events.

Penny: I use to cut my brother's hair. I could do it for you
Sheldon: I know you mean well, offering the skills of the hill folk, but here in town we don't churn our own butter, we don't make dresses from gunny sacks, and sure-as-shootin don't get our hair cut by bottle blon..
Leonard: Sheldon be nice!

Amy: I'll let you in on a little secret. Originally, we were painted nude. But I had him add clothes cause I thought it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.
Penny: Yeah, good call.
Amy: But, if you ever change your mind, all it would take is some warm, soapy water and a couple of sponges.
Penny: You're talking about the painting, right?
Amy: Sure.

Amy: Goodnight, Painting Penny. Goodnight, Real Penny.
Penny: Goodnight, Real Amy.
Amy: You don't have to say goodnight to Painting Amy, because she's never leaving. Bernadette: Goodnight, Real Penny. Goodnight, Transvestite Penny.

Penny: It's kind of heavy
Bernadette: Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.

All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up. You sign anything she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man alive. If you let her go, there is no way you can ever find someone else -- speaking on behalf of all women, it is not going to happen; we had a meeting.

Penny: So you're saying if I became a famous movie star, we got married, you wouldn't sign a pre-nup?
Leonard: Absolutely not! If I'm gonna be stuck at home with the kids while you're on location cheating on me with Ryan Gosling ... then Leonard gots to get paid.

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 343 in total

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.

As soon as we get home, I want to have coitus with Amy. Okay, she can't hear.

Sheldon
×