Sex doesn't count.

Penny: Hey, how come you've never done anything romantic to celebrate our first date?
Leonard: Well, for starters, you've broken up with me so many times, which first date are we talking about?

Penny [to Sheldon]: Your food's ready.
Leonard: No, no, what are you doing? He's both happy and quiet. It's like seeing a unicorn and Bigfoot at the same time.

I'm not going to the mall with someone dressed like a dumb space bear.

That's right. My phone is just as smart as you guys.

Bernadette told me everything. Now you don't get the left or the right.

Leonard: They weren't boobies. They were muscles. And, the make-up was green, I was pretending to be the Hulk.
Penny: You were wearing her bra.
Leonard: That was to keep my muscles from sagging!

Penny: Not even the chapter on the breast feeding crisis?
Leonard: It was not a crisis. Apparently, I favored the left one, she got a little lopsided.
Penny: Oh, my God, you still go left!

Penny: Oh, come on. Why? How bad could it be?
Leonard: There-there's chapters about potty training, bed wetting and masturbation. Basically, if something came out of me, she wrote about it!

The Disappointing Child by Beverly Hofstadter.

Raj: I didn't want anyone to feel bad at the end of the game. Some of those puzzles were really hard. I didn't know who was going to get Penny.
Penny: Run.
Raj: That came out wrong. But you have to admit you had a wonderful time.
Penny: Run to India.

Sheldon: To the planetarium!
Penny: Let's go!
Leonard: To the Tar Pits!
Bernadette: Let's go!
Amy: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month.
Howard: Let's go!

TBBT Quotes

Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them.


(Singing) Thor and Dr Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightening, the other plays with bones.

Howard and Raj