Sweetie ... every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.
I may be a bad waitress, but you're a bad person. Now, want to hear the specials?
Leonard: How about that? Sheldon's being reasonable.
Penny: Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go.
Penny: Ooh, that looks like fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.
Penny: Just you wait and see. I'm gonna romance your freakin' ass off.
Leonard: That's beautiful. Is that Shakespeare?
Sex doesn't count.
Penny: Hey, how come you've never done anything romantic to celebrate our first date?
Leonard: Well, for starters, you've broken up with me so many times, which first date are we talking about?
Penny [to Sheldon]: Your food's ready.
Leonard: No, no, what are you doing? He's both happy and quiet. It's like seeing a unicorn and Bigfoot at the same time.
I'm not going to the mall with someone dressed like a dumb space bear.
That's right. My phone is just as smart as you guys.
Bernadette told me everything. Now you don't get the left or the right.
Leonard: They weren't boobies. They were muscles. And, the make-up was green, I was pretending to be the Hulk.
Penny: You were wearing her bra.
Leonard: That was to keep my muscles from sagging!