Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

Howard: Like when you were going to make that pie, Stuart ate all the blueberries...
Bernadette: He tried to deny it but his teeth were all purple.
Howard: That was pretty cute.
Bernadette: Yeah.
Bernadette: Ew, we are missing him!

Penny: Do you have any questions?
Gallo: Just one. When you made your husband pretend to be a patient so you could get access to me, what were you thinking there?

Gallo: Here is a man raised by an overbearing woman who completely dominated every aspect of his formative years. Do you think he's perpetuating that relationship by seeking out a partner like you?
Penny: You know, I used to wear tank tops a lot. That was a big selling point.

Penny: How can I not sound like his mother when our entire bedroom is filled with Star Wars toys? I mean have you ever had sex with a stuffed Wookie watching you?
Gallo: I went to college in the 70's. It was a hairier time. I'm going to say yes.

Sheldon: After all these years. I'm really happy for the two of you.
Penny: Awww, thank you.
Sheldon: Now get out of my spot.

Sheldon: Amy's mad at me, and I'm not clear why.
Penny: Okay were you talking before you she got upset?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: That's probably it.

Hey, look at that! You both believe in Jewish bearded guys!

Penny: Think we'll have time to visit your mom while we're there?
Leonard: Yes. We'll also have time to put my junk in a garlic press, but I'm not doing that either.

Penny: [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon! [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon! [knock, knock, knock] Sheldon!
Sheldon: I bet that started off as a joke, but by the third one, you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
Penny: Yeah, I kind of want to do it again.
Sheldon: I don't recommend it, you'll be doing it the rest of your life.

Penny: What?! A few thousand people listen to you talk about nerd stuff?
Wil Wheaton: Again, right in the ears, straight to the feelings.

Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that [Game of Thrones] too?
Penny: No, no. I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon