Penny: It's so strange. No matter how thoughtless and selfish he is, I still love him.
Leonard: If you think about it, he has kind of been our practice kid.
Penny: Like, when you make pancakes and the first one comes out a little wonky?

Sheldon: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: If we don't, he might try to jump out of the plane.
Penny: Doesn't answer my question.

Penny: I don't like to drink when I fly.
Bernadette: Please, I've seen you drink in the shower.
Howard: You guys have showered together?

Penny: I used to be the bartender back there.
Sheldon: That's true. And now there's a completely different woman who botched my drink order. How hard is sixty-five percent Coke, thirty-five percent Diet Coke?
Penny: Judging by the look on her face, it's at least one percent saliva.

Penny: You have a ton of friends. You got married. Moved into a new apartment. You wore a baseball hat that one time. heck, you've had sex almost as many times as I have fingers.
Sheldon: More. By this many.
Penny: You dawg.
Sheldon: It was the Avengers trailer.

Penny: You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same but you've changed a lot since I met you.
Sheldon: Oh, you are a mean drunk.

Y'know, you're the only person who could win the biggest prize in science and still be upset about it.

Sheldon: This is a nightmare!
Penny: What's with him?
Leonard: He won a Nobel Prize and his wife looks amazing.
Penny: Oh, yeah. Got it.

Penny: Should we wake him up?
Leonard: Well, he did say if he fell asleep we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny: Oh boy!

Penny: Leonard? Coffee?
Leonard: Black and strong like Luke Cage.
Penny: I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.

Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

Howard: Like when you were going to make that pie, Stuart ate all the blueberries...
Bernadette: He tried to deny it but his teeth were all purple.
Howard: That was pretty cute.
Bernadette: Yeah.
Bernadette: Ew, we are missing him!

TBBT Quotes

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?