Penny: Hello Gay Sir.
Max: Hello Countess von Boobs.

My secret is so big that just the tip well be enough.

So much blonde.

Max: I wouldn't say we spend that much time together, I mean just breakfast 4 or 5 times a week before work.
Dave: And drinks during the day most days, not everyday but definitely every evening.
Penny: And sure we always deliver news in person.

You are great together, Jay and Bey great.

Well, as the author of several dozen cries for help I know a good one when I hear one.

Penny made a boo-boo.

This old priceless family heirloom that my hot fiancé's grandmother smuggled out of the old country. I mean I guess engagement ring is the acceptable nomenclature.

Hi. Could you bring me a dress that's a little more affordable like maybe one from last season or one that somebody died in.

I'm sorry I get racist when I joke and I get hungry when I'm racist.

You look like an assistant manager at a Jacksonville multiplex.

Penny: Davey what's the name of that movie about the horse that goes to the war?
Alex: Uhh War Biscuit, Duh.

Happy Endings Quotes

You're sweating on my bruschetta.

Jane [to Brad]

The weird part is, now that I have a guy, everybody wants to set me up. Oh I know Al! I should hook you up with one of my "extras."