The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPatty Bouvier Quotes
Homer: (Writing a letter to Marge) Also, it has become clear that your family doesn't want me here.
Patty: (Off camera) Shut up with that pen scratching down there!
Marge: It's Homer!
Patty: I don't know what you see in that ugly meatball!
Selma: Uh huh, If you like being pawed by something fat and lazy, we could get a cat.
Jacqueline: It would leave less hair on the couch!
Homer: Patty! Selma! What a pleasant surprise!
Patty: Whaddya know, he's wearing pants!
Selma: I owe you a lunch!
(Patty conducts a vision test at the DMV.)
Hans Moleman: "F," "L,"--Oh no, I'm sorry. That's a "C," isn't it?
(Patty stamps his driver's license "Void".)
Patty: If that was an oncoming vehicle you'd be dead now. Next!
Hans Moleman: But, uh--But driving is my livelihood!
Patty: Oh, take it like a man!
(At Moe's, Patty interrupts Selma and Barney's date.)
Selma: Patty, are you throwing away your last chance at happiness just for me?
Patty: Yes.
Selma: Oh. Thanks.
Patty: Now, let's go get some pancakes.
Selma: Uh, listen, Barney, uh... Aah.
(Patty and Selma get up and leave.)
Barney: She broke my heart, Moe. (Sobs)
Moe: Don't worry, Barney. Time heals all wounds.
Barney: (Sees a full pitcher of beer.) Well, what do you know? You're right! And, look, a whole pitcher to myself!
Marge: (Pinching her cheeks) Couldn't we just use rouge for this?
Mrs. Bouvier: Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.
Patty: When is that boy going to apologize?
Selma: He sure is stubborn.
Grampa: Homer was never stubborn. He always folded instantly over everything. It was as if he had no will of his own. Isn't that true, Homer?
Homer: Yes, dad!
(The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School Challenge on TV)
Game Show Host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Homer: Hitler!
Marge: (Questioning Homer) Hitler, North Dakota?
Patty and Selma: (In unison) Bismarck.
Girl Contestant: Bismarck!
Bart: (To Homer) Hitler?
Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy.
Game Show Host: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what?
Bart: Blue!
Homer: Yellow!
Bart: Orange!
Selma: Green.
Bart: Red!
Patty: Green.
Bart: Purple!
Homer: Red! White! Black! Green!
Girl Contestant: Green.
Homer: I was right! (Claps)
(Marge discusses Homer's new hair with Patty and Selma.)
Marge: He's much happier at work and--Well, just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!
Patty: Mmm.
Selma: I don't wanna think about it.
(At Marge's birthday party, Patty and Selma comment on Homer.)
Patty: Look at him wolf down that gristle.
Selma: Mm-hmm. It's an accident waiting to happen.
Patty: Do you know the Heimlich maneuver?
Selma: No.
Patty: Good.
Patty: It's almost nine o'clock.
Selma: Where is Homer anyway?
Patty: It's so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all.
Lisa: What Aunt Patty?
Patty: Oh, nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father.
Patty: Hello, Marge. It's Patty. Selma and I couldn't be more excited about seeing our baby sister for Christmas Eve.
Marge: Well, Homer and I are looking forward to your visit too.
(Homer makes a gagging noise.)
Patty: Somehow I doubt that Homer is excited. Of all the men you could've married, I don't know why you picked one who is always so rude to us.
