Hey, Mrs. Simpson, you should try one of these smart drinks! (Downs his drink) Oh, wow. I've wasted my life!

Bart: Otto! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
(Otto looks out his side window and sees Hans Moleman driving.)
Otto: Don't worry, Bart dude. I'll get rid of him.
(Otto slams into the car.)
Hans Moleman: Oh, I just made my last payment.
(Moleman's car almost crashes into a tree, but then explodes.)

Kurt: Milhouse and I are next.
Otto: There's no suspense at your place. Even I hooked up with your old lady. Sorry, kid.
Milhouse: You were my favorite uncle, Uncle Otto.

My name is Otto; I love to get blotto.

Sinclair: Tonight you'll be transformed to dead-eyed suburbanites, to white hot grease fires of pure entertainment. (To Otto) Except you, you're not working out. I'll be playing your part.
Otto: Drag.

All right! Three whole months of spaghetti-o's and daytime TV!

Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster?
Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit.

Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day.
Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books?
Marge: No.
Otto: A book from a vampire's point of view?
Marge: No.
Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of chicks?
Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job.

Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage.
Otto: Wow! What's the catch?

Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt.
Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality.

Otto: Can I at least get my stuff?
Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old Psycho magazines.
Otto: Wow! I have mustard?

Otto: All right, yeah, so how did I do?
Patty: Well you failed every segment, and misspelled bus on your application.

The Simpsons Quotes

Bart: I'll go, disguised as you.
Lisa: What if he wants to hold hands?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he wants a kiss?
Bart: I'm prepared to make that sacrifice.
Lisa: What if he
Bart: You don't want to know how far I'll go.

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!