He's a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!

Maude: My bladder's going to burst.
Ned: Now I know you've had a few too many waters, but that is no reason for the sailor talk.

Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn.

Edna: I know you feel guilty about coldcocking Homer.
Ned: Please don't use that word in bed.

Ned: Come on Homer, I'm insisting on a fisting.
Smithers: What's this about a fisting?

Ned: Homer, I can't believe you're partaking with my parents.
Homer: Yeah, it's medicinal; we had a pain in our neck!

Ned: Well sir, now we'll have an open marriage.
Edna: Um, you do know what that means?
Ned: No, but I"m sure Newt Gingrich wouldn't steer us wrong.

Homer: People here do not respect boundaries.
Ned: Homer, did you just buckle your belt through my loop?

SPORTS stands for Strick Parental Oversight Rather Than Sports

Homer: You're my personal savior.
Ned: Thank you but i don't approve..
Homer: Hail flanders, mightier than jesus

Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.

The Simpsons Quotes

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa

Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow

"Woodrow"