I am calling because I'm going to have to fire your daughter Holly because she's such a terrible employee. I'm just kidding.

Old Lady: How much for the Slip 'n Slide?
Michael: Get lost.

Packer is going to be here til the day he dies, just like the rest of us.

You've been on the road a long time, and you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.

Michael: Just so you know. He's at his funniest when you give him like five shots. And it also helps if you've had five shots.
Holly: I already have.

Michae: Angela loves pussycats, Packer loves...
Angela: Don't!
Michael: I was going to say dogs!

I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, probably because most of you have DONE IT WITH HIM. Just kidding. He wouldn't be interested in any of you.

We can't just sit around waiting for Creed to die.

Goldenface: Sorry about your friend, Scarn.
Michael Scarn: The joke's on you, Goldenface. That man's a wanted animal rapist.

Displaying quotes 46 - 54 of 1014 in total