You won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore.

Andy: You know I'm the worst salesman here right?
Michael: But you're the best salesman on the inside.
Phyllis: What does that even mean?
Michael: You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.

When Phyllis was in high school, she was soooo cute...and she still is.

Pam: Should we get toppings?
Michael: What do you like Pam?

Michael: I am told there are bears in the Rockies.
Dwight: Where'd you here that? Obvious XM Radio?

Yeah, okay. Well this is gonna hurt like a mother (bleeped).

Dwight: I just don't see the point of the Dundies, okay? The jokes are terrible, the venue was bad, the fashion was boring.
Michael: Okay, that is unfair. The clothing was safe but tasteful.

That Phyllis bit...that was pretty good right?

The diabetes award goes to Stanley Hudson. Come on up here you sick bastard.

Deangelo: Just go do it by yourself, or get Ryan.
Michael: No Ryan would never do it. It's too on the radar.

Deangelo: Jim, do you know where I can find Michael Scott?
Michael (as Jim): Oh I totally don't know where Michael is, dude. Hey you wanna listen to some records?

This is my last Dundies ever, if I want mind control over him, is that too much to ask?

The Office Quotes

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael